HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS

Ahhh Christmas. I used to love this holiday when my children were still...well children. The excitement reflected in their eyes when they first came down the stairs on Christmas morning and saw all the gifts under the tree was so wonderful to observe. Suddenly all the time I spent elbowing through "purchase lusting" crowds and scanning sale sheets and getting up at the crack of dawn to save $20 off a Teddy Rukpin talking bear...seemed worth it! The screams of delight as they tore the wrapping paper off their gifts was music to my ears. We'd spend hours together playing with the new toys.

I've really missed those "spirits of Christmas past" the last few years. Both of my children are now fully grown and living on their own. Everyone still gathers at our house to celebrate the day and significant others are now included in our family time. It's sad to me though that I no longer feel the "thrill" of Christmas.

This year, because of money constraints we decided not to go the "retail" route for presents and determined instead that we would make all our gifts for each other. This was probably the best idea we've had in years. Oh, my daughter and I did some complaining about how much hassle and how much time we were having to put into making these gifts. But on Christmas morning...it was all worth it.

No one got up at the crack of dawn. That practice stopped many years ago, even before the kids left home. My son traveled 4 hours and stayed at our home Christmas Eve. My daughter lives about 5 miles away. We all gathered at the respectable hour of 11a.m. Donuts, bagels, juice and coffee were served as we sat in the livingroom ready to open gifts. My son went first...wonderful decorative jars filled with peanut butter cookies. I was starting to really feel excited! I gave each of my children the wine bottles with holes drilled in them and filled with lights and decorated with ribbons and small grape bunches, that I'd created. Ooooos and aaaahhhhhs insued. Homemade puzzles created by my hubby were opened next. Tye-dye shirts were handed out from my daughter. You could feel the excitement in the air now. This was FUN! My daughter had made a very special gift for me...an apron decorated with "NOM MAKER" in sparkling letters. Inside joke and it brought tears to my eyes! A couple of other gifts I'd created for each of my amazing children were distributed and each item was met with "WOWS" and "OMG-s".

Not a ton of money was spent on gifts this year. A lot to personal time and effort went into making the gifts. I had determined that I would NEVER do this again as Christmas morning approached...but after experiencing the joy and the comaraderie we all felt gathered around the tree as we were delighted by the creativity we'd all shown...I will definitely be making the gifts again next year. In fact I already have some ideas..............

FINALLY SOMETHING TO SAY

I've deserted you. I'm sorry. I've been wrestling with what direction I'd like to see my life take in 2010. I'm not happy with the path I am currently walking and I need to make some MAJOR changes if I'm to be accomplish the goals I'm setting for myself.

Writing will be my number one priority during the next year. I want to take some courses, join more writing groups and actively seek representation for my novels. WAIT...let me re-phrase that with "I WILL...take courses, join groups and seek representation". Wanting something gets you no where...you must always be moving forward and only saying you "will" do something...makes it real.

To quote my good friend Yoda: "There is no TRY...only DO"

So 2010 will be the year of "DO". I'm anxious to see 2009 come to an end. It's been an emotional year, but it has also been a year of finding myself and what I want in life and I've enjoyed that journey. However, I will continue my travels in 2010 with more conviction and gusto than I showed in 2009.

Look out world...here I come!

LOVE

Around the holidays I always start thinking a lot about "love" and what exactly love means. There's so many different types of love that we are capable of expressing. There's the love we have for our spouses or partners, there's the love we have for our friends, there's the love we have for our pets, there's the love of sports, cooking, reading, writing, etc. and there's the love a mother has for her children, which to me is the purest kind of love. I know there are some mother's out there who don't love their children at all (I've never understood this), but for those of us who do...this is an unconditional, all encompassing, never ending kind of love. You may fall out of love with your spouse, relationships with friends can end, or you may give up on your sports team or hobby...but you NEVER stop loving your children. They are the flesh or your flesh and bone of your bone. My children are my "heart".

I've been blessed with two amazing children. At this time of year, they are on my mind constantly and I'm so happy that we get to spend a few days together when Christmas finally arrives. Some people dread the approach of Christmas, but I'm anxious for it...because I get to spend a few days with the most important people in my life...my children.

If you have children...give them a great big hug whenever you can...and if you are a son or a daughter, about to celebrate the holidays with family...hold them close to you...time moves quickly and someday you'll miss those hugs and those times of togetherness.

Till tomorrow..........Love to you all.

CHRISTMAS GIVING

I'm feeling a lot of tension today. Not necessarily bad tension though. It's that tingle you get in your gut when you just know something big's about to happen. I think it's going to be something good! Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Today I will channel my creative talents away from the written word and on to creating Christmas gifts. Our family is making all it's Christmas gifts this year. No packages piling out into the middle of the livingroom floor and so many things to open that we almost get sick of tearing off wrapping paper. This year we are going back to what Christmas was originally meant to be...a time to show appreciation and love for all the special people in our lives. Nothing says this more than giving of your "time". Time is what it takes to decide on a gift to make and time is what it takes to actually produce that gift.

We'll still do the traditional coffee, tea and Dunkin Donuts on Christmas morning, but this year it's going to be more a celebration of "family" togetherness than a gift gorging extravaganza.

Well, I'm off to shop for supplies. Hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll talk to you again on Monday!

DRAMA DRAMA

Life happens and boy did it happen at my son's house last night. Once before I commented that every where you turn you can find story material to write about. I think if I lived with my son for about a month I could come up with enough material to keep me busy for a year. Never a dull moment around this house that's for sure. I really enjoyed my visit though.

I actually managed to sleep in till 8a.m. Yeee haaaaa! Now, I'm just waiting for the rest of the house to come alive. My daughter and I will be driving back to Raleigh today, with a couple of stops along the way. I can hear my nice big comfy bed calling my name now. Inflatable mattresses are a great invention. But a REAL mattress with a supportive backspring under it and a foot or so rise from the floor, is sooooo much better for my aching back. The really fun part of a blow up mattress is trying to stand up once you've laid down on it. I felt a little like a turtle who'd been turned over it's back, waving my little arms in the air as I tried to roll over and flip myself into a sitting position and then move on to conquer the dreaded "stand". Had to actually giggle a couple of times! If you're ever dating someone new and trying to impress them with your grace and poise...DO NOT agree to sleep on an inflatable mattress.

Time to hit the road...tea first, packing of the car next, then "we're outta here!"
Talk to you all on Monday.

THE DAY AFTER

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. Moriah and I arrived safe and sound in Mountain City, TN. NO SALMONELLA! Just delicious, juicy, tender turkey. My son rocked it and Danielle made amazing stuffing from rice bread and mashed potatoes that were to "die for". Everything was really terrific.

Today we are off to visit local antique stores and then into Boone to wander for a bit. No Black Friday spots! We'll leave that for the rest of the crazies out there. This evening my son has invited several of his friends and their families over for a "second Thanksgiving feast". It's going to be a busy, busy day, but I'm really looking forward to it.

I brought a copy of Deadly Letters with me and I'm leaving it with Adam so he can read it and give me his feedback. I'm looking forward to seeing what he thinks. Uh...maybe. No really...I need feedback and he is one of the few people I would trust to be honest with me.

NaNo will be uploaded today!

THANKSGIVING CHEER

Just wanted to take a couple of minutes to wish every one of my beloved followers a Happy Thanksgiving! Soooooooooooo, well...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

It felt very weird yesterday not to have a goal for my writing. I rested and didn't do any writing at all. I'll hit this keyboard hard and heavy on Monday...until then I'm spending quality time with my family. From the time November 1st rolled around, till Tuesday, my mind has been filled with plot lines for Damaged Goods (title may change on rewrite). I've only been half present no matter what I was doing or who I was with, till I had my 50,000 words typed.

I actually cleaned my house yesterday...for the first time in 18 days. Surprised it wasn't stinkier than it was! I had a wonderful visit from a friend who I haven't seen in 40 years! She was here visiting family. We'd reconnected through Facebook several months ago and it was fantastic seeing her again! She is one of the few people on this earth who knew at least a small portion of the circumstances in which I grew up. We talked a little more about that because of the book I've just completed.

Dorothy was right...sometimes "there's no place like home". I don't ever want to live in Peekskill again, but it is so wonderful connecting with friends from years past! I'll travel up that way in the spring, when things "thaw" in that neck of the woods, to do some detail research for my manuscript. Until then I will stay in touch with all my wonderful friends living there and visit them when I make my visit.

EAT DRINK AND BE MERRY TODAY! LOVE ALL OF YOU!

POULTRY WILD SIDE

I typed for six hours yesterday! Gotta be some kind of record...at least for me. I now have 47,670 words for my NaNo challenge and I will complete it today...as I have big plans for tomorrow. My goal today is to be finished by 1:00.

I hope everyone has great plans for Thanksgiving. I will be visiting my son. He bought his first home this year and wanted to celebrate turkey-day in his own home. I personally am thrilled not to have to do all that cooking, cleaning and planning. My concern: salmonella. Yep, that's right...I'm having my first Thanksgiving at my son's house and I'm worried about being poisoned. But here's the thing...a turkey should never be defrosted at room temperature and it should never be stuffed the night before and then stored in the frig till it's popped in the oven. Does my son know this? Do I dare tell him? Nope. Gonna take my chances. Gonna walk on the poultry wild side and pray I don't spend Thanksgiving evening in an emergency room having my stomach pumped...hmmmmmmmmm, I see a story developing here......

Talk to you later...NaNo, NaNo...........

FLOWERY FUN

Okay I confess. I didn't write one blessed word yesterday. I was up bright and early, put a roast in the crockpot, blogged and went off to play with flowers. The Moravian church here in town collects donated flowers from funerals, weddings, showers, social events, etc. and they tear the arrangements apart and re-do them into smaller arrangements and then donate them to nursing homes, shut-ins, low income families, etc. People who don't normally receive flowers. Even several retailers in town donate their flowers when they are in full bloom and they can't sell them.

Flowers make everyone smile. This was so much fun and rewarding at the same time. More churches should do this! My creativity was at full alert and I was in awe of some of the beautiful arrangements some of the ladies created. A talented group...that's for sure.

After we got done "flowering", a group of us went to lunch. We spent about two leisurely hours talking, munching and getting to know one another. I finally got home around 3:00 and needless to say...was totally and completely unmotivated to begin writing what is starting into the very dark side of my childhood. So I took a break.

Today it is dreary, rainy and joyless outside. A perfect day to be writing ugly, gloomy memories. NaNo, NaNo.........

MATTRESS TOPPER

My heart is heavy today and I feel very blah. I didn't write yesterday. I got so caught up in "life events" that I didn't get around to my manuscript at all. I've noticed a change in me. If I don't write during the day...I get sort of depressed and feel like I've failed to do my job.

I blogged yesterday and kudos to me for doing that...but I didn't open Deadly Letters and continue working on it, even though that was my game plan for yesterday afternoon. Spent the morning doing some household crap, grabbed a quick lunch with a friend, had to go Brad's store to take him some medicine he'd left at home, then came the really FUN part of the day. I went to Target to buy a mattress topper. Oi Vey. I found the one I wanted, asked an associate to scan it for a price check...great price, struggled getting it up to checkout (those things are heavy if you get a good one), no offer of help from sales associate. Got it home, struggled getting it upstairs...opened box...CRAP...someone had switched out the less expensive one for the cheap one. I got tricked. Called store, talked to manager, she checked other stores, found one, struggled to get box back downstairs, scared the hell out of dog, drove to other store, struggled to get box into store, delivered it to customer service and can you believe it...in the mood I was now in...I got MS. ATTITUDE at the service desk. I almost went Madea on her ass, I was so completely pissed off. Talked to the manager, finally got my mattress topper, lugged it out to car, drove home, lugged it upstairs, took 30 minutes to get it opened and situated on top of mattress...FINALLY I had my new mattress topper.

Was it worth all that struggling? Definitely. I slept great last night. But maybe that's just cause I was so exhausted from all the lugging and struggling. At any rate, there was no way my brain was going to function and allow me to do my manuscript re-write justice, so I wimped out. I CAN'T do this in November!!!

Today...I continue with Deadly Letters...no distractions! Ooooo was that a butterfly I just saw?

CRISIS AVERTED

OMG...almost had a heart attack this morning. I woke up to NO cable and NO internet! Panic!! I felt so cut off from the world, so helpless, frustrated and pissed at the cable company. I called their office, but couldn't get thru cause a recording told me I had to call during "office hours" which started at 5a.m. and it was 7:35 when I called. WTH??? Now I was really concerned. I mean what if aliens had arrived during the night while we were sleeping and stole all our cable signals. I called friends and family..."do you have cable?" Everyone did...except us...or so I thought. It had become personal, until I called our next door neighbors and was so relieved when they told me they didn't have any signals either. WHEW! At least the extra-terrestrials weren't just after me. I found a different number for the cable company and a wonderful recording told me it was an outage in our area and they were working on it and should have us back up and running by 8a.m. Breathe, breathe...disaster averted.

How addicted to electronics are we? Almost all of the agents I am contacting accept only emailed queries now. If I'm not connected to the internet...how could I send them anything? How could I research the agents I'm considering without internet? How could I find out about writing contests? How could I find out about possible freelance assignments? How could I Facebook???? Yeeee gads! I'm starting to sweat again just thinking about it. Breathe, breathe.......

I actually wanted to blog about something else today, but I'll save it till tomorrow. I need to get a stiff drink right now...oh wait it's only 9:15? Oh what the heck............

RE-ORGANIZING

No hablo Espanol...and that about covers it. My interview that I was so excited about yesterday was a bust. Why? Because the employer failed to state in their ad that they wanted someone who was bilingual. The interview was going great to begin with. The place was shabby and they'd never had an Admin, but I was more than willing to deal with that. I would have been the only estrogen based human in the place...but I was even willing to put up with all that testosterone...if it meant making some decent money. Things went down hill though in the middle of the meeting when I was asked if I spoke Spanish. Uh...no and I don't intend to. I'm just not interested at my age in trying to learn a new language. I'm still of the mind-set...if you want to truly "belong" in this country and contribute and hold a job then you should learn OUR language...not the other way around. So...no "jobo for meo".

I am re-energized toward my writing this morning. I got all the various manuscripts out that I've been working on and I am determined to start treating this as my full-time employment. I am starting with my blog this morning and will proceed with lining up more possible agents for Deadly Letters and looking through some of my older things to see if there is something that I can submit to either newspapers or magazines.

I am a huge fan of "So You Think You Can Dance" and last night I watched our latest recorded episode. I was really inspired by all the dancers who were cut and then just said they would keep dancing, get better and try again next year. I give up too easily. It's a major fault in my personality, so I will be working on fixing this flaw in the next few months.

Andale, andale, ariba, ariba..............

JOB PROSPECT

Today I have my first actual job interview since I was laid off January 22nd. I am nervous, excited, semi-confident and just a wee bit scared. A job interview for me, in the past, always meant...if I wanted the job...I had the job. There might have been 10 or 15 people applying for the same job, but I interview well....so, if I wanted the job I was interviewing for...I got it. These days though there are 300-400 people applying for the same job. I'm in awe of even getting a chance to interview. I drove to the office address Sunday when we got back from the beach. I wanted to be sure I didn't get lost and arrive late today. In fact, I will allow myself an extra 15 minutes to get there. If I'm early, I will park around the corner till 9:55 and then go to the location, so I arrive approximately 5 minutes early.

I am always friendly to the receptionist. I used to be a receptionist and trust me...when you leave...she WILL give her opinion of you...and trust me...her opinion will carry a lot of weight.

When I enter the office, I look the interviewer straight in the eye and continue to make eye contact through out the interview. I don't want "stare" at him/her, but I do look them in the eye periodically so they feel they can trust me. Besides there is nothing that connects two people more than looking each other in the eye...and I do want him/her to feel a connection to me.

I always have some questions ready for the interviewer. If possible I look the company up on the internet so I know something about them. When the interview is done...I stand and shake the interviewer's hand and again make that eye contact...thank him/her for their time and consideration. I ask them for one of their business cards and then leave...I don't linger fidgeting, like I don't know what to do.

If the job is something I feel I'd really like then I wait a day and then send a quick thank you to the person who interviewed me and then all I can do is sit back and wait and hope for either a second interview or a confirmation that I got the job.

All of these little tricks have served me very well in the past...in this economic time I am praying that they still will.

BTW...if I DON'T want the job...I will just fail to do all of the above and trust me...I NEVER get a call back. Unless the interviewer today decides to "interview" my boobs and not me...then I intend to do my very best to secure this position. Wish me luck!

LOSING MY MIND

Last night I lost my mind...and I don't mean figuratively. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but at some point during the evening from what my husband tells me I got angry and upset about something. I went upstairs. He found me later lying on the bed, crying and not knowing where I was. Of course a trip to the ER ensued. That part is very hazy to me this morning. I still don't remember going up the stairs, lying on the bed, coming back down with Brad's help or the trip to the ER.

I do know when we got to the ER he was asking me a lot of questions that I couldn't remember the answers to. I couldn't remember if I had a job, if I had friends...who those friends were. Slowly things started to get clearer and I calmed down. After a nice long, long, long wait in the ER I begged him to take me home. We arrived back at the house around 2a.m. and I will go see my regular doctor today.

So I think I have officially lost my mind. Stress can kill that's for sure. Between unemployment, trying to break into the writing world, financial problems and just life in general...my poor little brain didn't stand a chance.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be good to go again, but if I'm not on this blog for a day or two...well you understand dear followers.

TRASH

It never ceases to surprise me when someone comments on how "together" I am. I am such an insecure individual it borders on the ridiculous. I was told from the young age of six that I would never amount to anything and would always just be "gutter tripe"...and a part of my psyche believed that. I've worked my entire life to overcome these uncertainties about myself as a human being and although I've made great progress...thanks to the help of some amazing, wonderful friends I've had over the years...I am still not to the point where I can brag on myself.

To be a successful writer...especially in this day and age...you need to be able to promote yourself. You need to truly believe that you are a talent just waiting to be discovered and you need to portray yourself as something as good as chocolate truffles that won't make you gain an ounce. I freeze too easily in the face of negativity. Over and over again I read in books about becoming a published author that you must have thick skin. Where do I purchase one of those thick skin suits, cause it sure would be worth the investment?

I read things that others have written and gotten published and I'm in awe. Some of it is pure crap and yet I know those people had something I lack..."self confidence". I may not show the doubt I have in myself and my abilities...but they are there and when I'm alone my head hurts from trying not to dwell on them and yet not being able to shut off that little voice in my head saying, "you are trash and you will never amount to anything."

How do I do that? I need to move on with submitting my completed manuscript to agents. So what if two of them rejected it...there are hundreds more I can submit to...but my fear is choking me up. Today...I will have to work on trying to loosen the strangle hold the demons inside me seem to have produced in my life and figure out a way to truly believe I AM A WRITER and that I can get published! Wish me luck................

BOUNDARIES

I've posted 60 blogs so far. Today is number 61. I'm proud of myself for sticking to this and a huge thanks to all of you who have signed on as followers...even if you don't read it, so you'll never see this. Thanks also to those of you who have not only signed on, but leave me comments periodically either on this site or via my email address. I love and appreciate each and every one of you. You are true friends.

Writing is a messy business. I can't remember the last time I saw my diningroom table without papers scattered all over it, flash drives lying about, reference books piled high, pens, pencils and yet for some reason...I still have the placemats on the table. But I'm using the placemats. One for my laptop, one for the box with my completed manuscript, one for books, one for mailing envelopes, even one for writing tools along with pads of paper. I think it's funny that I don't have anything sitting on the table unless it's on a placemat. No free-range writing paraphernalia.

I wonder when the "placemat" was first used. It's such a nice item for defining space. Before the placement there was just the great big tablecloth. What kept your knife and fork in your designated table area? What was to keep it from creeping over into your partner's area? How did we really know whose drink was whose? Dah, Dah...enter the PLACEMAT! No longer is it a problem telling what area of the diningroom table belongs to whom. Now your area is mapped out for you...marked out with clear boundaries. Any part of the table that doesn't have a placemat is open range. These spots are for things we want to share with others. But the placemat in front of me...that's mine, all mine. Don't cross my placemat line to grab food from my plate or borrow a utensil. If I wish to share...I will hand you the item in question...otherwise...stay back! This is my spot!

I hate round or square placemats. Who the heck came up with that idea? There's not enough room on one of those things for me to keep all my stuff on it. If I have a placemat I want it to be rectangular...a large rectangle is best. Room for my plates, cup, utensils and napkin. My little world...Deblandia. Welcome to my world...by invitation only.

Okay...back to serious writing...coming to you from my laptop, sitting nicely in the middle of my placemat, atop my messy diningroom table.

"CRITICAL" REPORT

I didn't do one blessed thing yesterday as far as writing goes. Very short "accomplishments" list for the day. Very disappointed in myself. I MUST do better today.

I did discover a wonderful cure for insomnia though, this past weekend. The Informant starring Matt Damon. Wow, what a snooze fest this movie is. It's basically just a lot of blah, blah, blah...over half way through the movie you "get it" but by then...I'd really lost interest. There are a couple of snicker funny parts in it, but no laugh out loud moments. Too many "guarded looks" going on between the actors, conversations are basically on a monotone level and well...that did make for some great sleeping! I'm thinking about buying it when it comes out on DVD and then plugging it in on those nights when my brain just doesn't want to shut down and I'm sure to get a peaceful nights sleep.

Considering it was based on a true story, it had the potential to be really good, but definitely fell short of it's goal.

BATHROOM ASPIRATIONS

Went to a wonderful Meetup gathering on Saturday night. A publisher from Novello Festival Press was there along with two copy editors. The information they passed on was amazing and I'm so glad that I went.

Besides the great tips I received...I acquired a new aspiration while attending the meeting! I want to be in the Quail Ridge Bookstore bathroom! This is the first time I have visited those facilities and besides loving the really cool table, in there, which looks like a pile of books...the walls are covered with autographed framed photos of authors who have visited the store. I have to admit all those people staring at you while you "take care of business" can be a little disconcerting, but I spent an extra ten minutes just checking out all the pictures. I want to be on that wall! I never thought I'd want to spend anymore than time than absolutely necessary in a public co-ed bathrooom, but this has now become my dream. You can have your Walk-of-Fame Hollywood...I crave a spot on the Quail Ridge lavatory wall. When I see my picture there...then and only then...will I know I have truly MADE it to the big time!

PATRICK SWAYZE

Lately I've been seeing a lot of stories both in print and on the tube about amazing people, living amazing lives and overcoming unbelievable obstacles. R.I.P. Patrick Swayze. Here's a man with cancer so bad, that he would (in his words) lay on the bathroom floor at night for hours in excruciating pain, cursing the cancer eating him up, but he still got dressed each morning and went to the studio to tape his TV show. He refused to give up. He refused to give in. He just kept on going.

This kind of determination is something I wish I possessed. I don't think I'd have that kind of strength. I want to believe I do though. I want to believe that faced with insurmountable odds I would push forward and strive to triumph. Don't we all wish we had this kind of enduring spirit?

I will remember Patrick whenever I am tempted to lay in bed for another hour, or not tackle a simple re-write, or don't want to climb onto the treadmill for an hour. I have no excuse. I am healthy, strong and vital. I won't waste this precious life I've been given.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years...Abraham Lincoln

WEEKEND GRIEVING

There's always kind of a let-down after a long weekend, isn't there? A kind of sadness and grieving process needs to take place before we can move on and accept the fact that "it's back to work time". Even though I am currently among the "unemployed" in this grand nation of ours, I am still treating my novel production as a "job". But, I took this weekend to have fun on the water, enjoy a movie and spend time with friends. It's back to the grind of writing now.

Today I plan to complete the final draft of my short story for the Greensboro Review contest. I tend to procrastinate, but this time my goal is to have the story out the door no later than Friday, the 11th. Okay so maybe that's cutting it a little close to the wire...but at least I'm not over-nighting it on the 14th.

It's a dreary day, but my story line is rather dark, so maybe this weather will set a good backdrop to script about my childhood angst. Till tomorrow...........

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

A very good friend of mine told me, during a phone conversation yesterday, that this month's Writer's Digest has a list of 24 agents looking for novels to represent. I hurried my butt over to Barnes and Noble at Triangle Town Center as fast as I could legally drive (well maybe a little over "legal") and grabbed myself a copy.

Clutching my treasure to my chest, I was headed back to my car...when the beauty of the day suddenly struck me and I thought "why just go home and peruse my magazine? I could just grab a drink and sit outside the mall in the lovely, peaceful, serene center court they have created.

I zipped into Moe's to get a sweet tea (I'm so Southern now!) and wandered over to a seating section in the center of the common area between the beautiful landscaped walking paths. The area was totally isolated and I found a lovely table with a large umbrella to shade me from the direct sunlight. I pulled my magazine from it's bag and took a pen and writing pad from my purse, let out a deep sigh, took a quick sip of tea and opened to page one.

A minute later I hear a loud voiced woman speaking very rapid angry Spanish. I tilted my head over my shoulder and wouldn't you know it...here sat said woman at a table directly behind me, legs crossed, loose foot bobbing rapidly up and down, obviously arguing with someone about something in a language I don't understand. I tensely turned back to my magazine trying to block out the ever increasing volume of the discussion going on in back of me. Just when I thought I had it conquered...a shrill scream rent the air and the head of a boy, about 5 years old pops up above one of the large rocks strategically placed to add peace and serenity to the area. Two moms were now standing at the base of the rock, one of them yelling for little Jimmy to "get down!"

Sighing I very slowly closed my magazine, placed it back into the bag, slipped my notepad and pen into my purse and stalked off to my car. Peace and quiet were finally achieved when I arrived back at my own home, sitting on my own back porch, sipping the rest of my Moe's tea and leisurely reading through my magazine. "There's no place like home...There's no place like home."

GROWING IDEAS

The "reading" I went to last nite was so wonderful! We have such talent here in the Raleigh area and I enjoyed listening to everyone. I even go up enough nerve to get up and read one of my short pieces. It was nice to hear some fiction pieces, as I was afraid it would be all poetry. Some poetry I enjoy...like the comedic prose of one of the last readers, but for the most part...I just don't really get it. Way too abstract for my tiny brain.

I know most of you must be on Facebook. I was looking through the messages left on FB last nite after coming from the reading and a friend of mine mentioned that she was "vacuuming up tiny brown things from her porch that seemed to have come from her ferns and she wondered if they were spores." Well after being at this gathering with creativity and imagination running rampant...I couldn't help but start to picture those spores sitting in the vacuum bag, growing, mutating and morphing into some kind of weird fern alien being, then suddenly busting out of the vacuum and slithering through the house, choking the inhabitants before moving onto the rest of the neighborhood. Ahhhh the joys of being a writer and having that over active visualization. Hope I didn't scare the bejesus out of her..........hee hee I'll be saving this idea in my little idea file.

STATUS UPDATE

It's nice to know that people are reading my rants and random thoughts. Thank you to all of you who wished me well during my stressful, stress test time. Many have asked for an update. Unfortunately (don't gasp...it's nothing bad) two of the people who administer the test went home sick right after lunch, so I had a choice...either wait approximately 3 hours to be tested...or reschedule. I rescheduled! So now I go back on the 9th. At least all the preliminary work has been done...EKG, initial blood pressure (which was high, DUH...I was nervous) I'll keep ya all updated.

On to more important things. I'm going to an Open Mic event this evening at the Royal Bean Coffeehouse on Hillsborough St. I won't be reading...I'm just going to observe and listen...at least this time. I think it will be interesting to see what kinds of things other writers are producing. I'm hoping for some fiction pieces and not just poetry. At any rate, I'll pick the brains of any authors who strike a cord with me, so be forewarned fellow writers...I'll be the one in the back, wearing the buzzard costume and grinning at you.

DISTRACTIONS

It's time to get back on track again. I've let a lot of things distract me these past couple of weeks and thus have put all my writing on a back burner. Time to move that pot up front and start things at a full boil again!

I get distracted so easily. I'm not sure that's a good characteristic to have as a writer. Most books I read on the subject stress "being focused". How do you do that though, when you live in the real world. Now if someday I can afford an isolated cabin in the woods where I will hole up for weeks at a time...not bathing, not brushing my teeth, barely taking time to even run a brush through my matted hair...staying "focused", tied to my laptop...eating bologna and cheese sandwiches just cause they are so quick and easy to make and consuming pots and pots of coffee, never seeing the light of day or the darkness of night because time will cease to exist for me and one day will segway into another...........see I'm distracted already. I'm not thinking about my current projects but my brain is jumping into fast forward and creating a whole new world there in the isolated woods...with a cabin so rustic that only an outhouse is available and a pump in the kitchen sink provides water from the well. CRAP...there I go again........

Okay, so enough of this...I am sitting in my very real house, on my very real cul-de-sac and getting ready to pull out my very real short story to work on today. The woods and all it's glory will have to wait for another day.

TO-DO

Had to make a "to-do" list last night. Tomorrow I am taking a stress test. I don't mean the kind of test where life situations are thrown at you left and right till your a sobbing mass lying on the floor panting...I have that test every week. This will be a "hook the girl up to a heart monitor and see if we can make her pass out" test. I have to admit...I'm nervous and a bit scared. Well meaning friends tell me "oh don't worry...it's a piece of cake"...well I'm a "pie" girl myself and I'm always anxious about the unknown. Has anyone ever experienced a heart attack while taking one of these tests? I'm having the test done cause my doctor doesn't like the fact that I get sharp pains when I exert myself...so he's going to have me run on a treadmill and see if he can make that happen? Hmmmm...do I sense a bit of the sadistic in my MD?

My to-do list is so I won't sit around thinking about this dang test tomorrow. I'll stay busy. I love lists! I love being organized. I love checking off each item as I complete it. Okay...FINE...I'm anal. But I'd be that mass lying on the floor panting today if it wasn't for my beloved to-do list.

I think keeping a to-do list is great while you're writing too. I like making quick notes of scenes or conversations I want to change in my manuscripts...page and paragraph included. Then, check, check...Roger that...as I take care of each concern. Lists of agents I want to contact..check, check, as I query them.

Maybe it's because I like having things so orderly that I'm stressing over my stress test. Maybe if I make a list...get up, get dressed, stay busy, busy, busy, while waiting to leave for appointment, drive to doctor's office, hand in paperwork, read year old magazines in waiting room till name is called...not sure what happens next........that's the scary part. Say a little prayer for me readers. See ya tomorrow...I hope.

HOME MOVIES

I'm actually blogging on Sunday because yesterday my husband and I were visiting friends, so I didn't get to thrill you with an entry. It's probably good that I couldn't blog yesterday cause I learned a lesson last night that can only be shared today.

Several months ago I was listening to a talk radio show and a therapist was discussing the unreasonable expectations that we set up for ourselves throughout our lifetimes. She talked about how we "make our own home movies" in our heads constantly and then when the actual events have a different ending than those we imagined...we end up feeling sadness, regret and disappointment. As a writer I think I am more guilty of doing this than maybe the average person might be. I write these beautiful, sometimes romantic, definitely exciting scenarios for my life in my head and then when the characters in my real life don't follow the script...I end up frustrated and at times even angry. Logically...this is just plain ole stupid!! No one knows your home movie, except you...so you can't expect people to play their roles if they don't even know their lines. Remember I said "logically"...I am one of the most illogical people in the world.

We had a wonderful time visiting with our neighbors at a house they own at Lake Gaston. They were gracious hosts and this part of my home movie far exceeded all my expectations. It was when we left that my mental video world started to unravel. I forgot to give my hubby his script. Scenes didn't develop, lines weren't spoken, actions weren't realized. This morning I will try to rectify the damage I did last night, in being a poor "director" and try to be more open to "improv"...lights, camera, action.

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

Gasp...yes that's right...I'm at a loss for words this morning. Too much personal life, not enough writing life. After this weekend though my life should be back on track again. Oh yeah...I think I've said that before, once, twice, a thousand times.

Oh wait...I'm digging down deep into my creative soul and yup, shore nuff...by George I think I've got something. I've got a question actually. Did you ever meet someone and while talking to them just wish that they were a writer cause the tales they spin are so interesting that you just know if they could put those words on paper everyone would enjoy reading them? I used to work with a woman, during my "employed" days and she could tell the most interesting stories. Not that it wasn't annoying at times, cause she could literally stand at your desk for 30+ minutes just yakking away about her grandma's cure for cankers and warts or her grandpas recipe for the best moonshine in the South or all the crazy things that happened at her latest family reunion. I always wished I'd had a recorder, because she had some amazing antecdotes to share which could create an amazing read.

Last night while having dinner with a couple of wonderful friends, one of the ladies was entertaining us with stories about the childhood of a new man she's dating. I was so intrigued and all I could think of was why isn't someone writing this down. What an amazing tale this would be. Some people are just blessed with a lifetime of fascinating personal accounts and I'm always just a little bit sad when I find out that person isn't a writer, so these tales will more than likely only be shared with a handful of individuals.

I know I've said before "we all have a story to tell"...it's just that some of those stories are way more fascinating than others.

PONDER-MENTS

I've coined a new word..."ponder-ments"...it's kind of like condiments, but instead of ketchup, mustard or mayo, it's the little additions you need to make to your writings when you complete them. Read what you've written, then "ponder" on it for a bit and then add that little extra flavoring to send it over the top.

My hubby read my short story last night. Very funny cause he's definitely not a reader. Strange that someone so passionate about the written word would be married to a guy who truly hates reading, but what can I say..."I love him". Anyway, he agreed to read through the story, after kind of groaning at how many pages there were (I'd probably send him into cardiac arrest if I asked him to read my entire novel) and headed out to the back porch to fulfil his promise. The amazing thing is...he really gave me some very good suggestions as to what I needed to do in order to make the story even better. He said he liked it, said he could picture everything happening in his head as he was reading (which is a good thing), then he recommended I make a couple of additions. At first, I just mentally sighed and thought..."oh yeah, the guy who doesn't read is telling me how to write". But I asked for his opinion and I owed it to him to consider what he suggested.

Okay, I hate it...but I have to admit he was right! I am going back to my story today and I'm adding a few chocolate sprinkles and maybe a dollop of whipped cream...then WAHLAH...my contest entry shall be a thing of beauty and even if I don't win...at least I'll know that I submitted a luscious manuscript along with all the right "ponder-ments".

RETRIBUTION

You know what the wonderful thing about writing is? You get to call the shots. You get to set the scene and you get to say what will happen. It's true that sometimes your characters will surprise you and suddenly they are taking you on a journey in a totally different direction from where you thought you were headed, but when the story is your "own", then you are in complete control of the outcome.

Yesterday I finished the short story I plan to submit to the Greensboro Review for their writing contest. (yes, dear followers, I DID actually write 8-3 yesterday) The story I am submitting is semi-autobiographical. It's earned the "semi" title because I rewrote the ending. The events that occured are true up to a point. Then I suddenly realized I could have retribution. I could have payback for all the misery I suffered as a child and as we all know "paybacks are hell", so I killed her off. My antagonist, my so-called guardian, the woman who raised me from the young age of two with a cruelty no child should have to endure...I killed her off!! Ding-dong the witch is dead and it felt sooooo good!

Even if you aren't a writer, you can benefit from this exercise. Write a letter to your enemy, tell them exactly how you feel, how you want them to suffer, how you want them to be punished for the pain they've inflicted on you. Then read it out loud! It is totally cathartic! It helps to cleanse the soul and can bring you peace. It doesn't wash away the acts of degradation, but it does give you a feeling of power. And, in writing down your frustrations. if you should happen to find an imaginative way of "getting rid" of that evil person...well that's even better. The best part is...you can't even be arrested!! Paybacks are not only hell, sometimes they are sweet vengeance!"

BROKEN VOWS

How is it possible that I can't even keep a vow for one freakin' day? I had big plans yesterday. I was going to enter the "Fortress of Solitude". Yeah right. Had a doctor's appointment in the morning and then I had already committed to helping my daughter's boyfriend in going to the car dealership to pick up his new car. That was going take...well maybe an hour. I figured I'd just tack on two hours to my writing commitment and stop at 5 instead of 3.

Never happened. The car assignment turned into a nightmare...thanks to Jay at Imports Performance on Capital Blvd. Jerk...doesn't even begin to describe this guy. He may have just found himself as a character in one of my next books, as a sadistic antagonist! I have purchased many, many cars in my lifetime and this was by far the worst experience of my life.

Anywhoooo, not to get myself all tied up in knots again...but thanks to amazing incompetence it took 5 hours for this car deal to be finalized and by the time it was over...I was exhausted. Rung out. Totally depleted. I just wanted to take a nap. Certainly had no inclination at all to write, unless it was getting out my frustration about this chavanistic, slimey, bird-brain of a salesman. My daughter's boyfriend however seemed satisfied, so he got his new "ride" and I got indigestion and heart palpatations.

TODAY...I renew my vow to work on my writing from 8-5. I am making a new commitment and I am crawling into the fortress of solitude...........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SOLITUDE

Remember Superman's Fortress of Solitude? I need one of those. I wonder if he'd let me borrow his for a few months? "Hey Supe...ole buddy, can I crash at your ice pad for a bit. I am in dire need of some solitude."

I'm a giver. A can't say "no-er". A person who cares (sometimes too deeply) and this can get in the way of my life path. Especially if that path is to write. Good Lord even the dog can interupt my train of thought, while I fulfill his needs and his needs have become many since I've been home with him all day. I need to see my writing as my job and pursue it in the same way someone who is trying to climb the corporate ladder might attack that goal. I need to stop spending hours on Facebook (ugh what an evil, addicting communication tool), stop emailing friends all day long, take the phones off the hook (home and cell) and just hermitize myself...at least till I finish with the agent's beginning with "Z" and complete my second manuscript.

Sigh, unfortunately...I am such a social creature. So I will try to work at least a little "people" time into each day. I will work from 8-3 everyday on my writing and contacting viable agents. No phones, no emails, no Facebook (my heart almost stopped at that one). I will, of course, take a brief lunch break...sustenance feeds the creative brain cells, and it will be a real struggle not to get caught up in some of the on-line traps I get into...but I'm going to make an effort. That's all anyone can ask of oneself...that you make an effort...a "sincere" effort. If this doesn't work...then I have plan "B" ready...which I can share later if plan "A" is a flop.

Speaking of plan "B"...today I complete the agent's starting with B and move on to C. I have one more hour before my "work" day begins. Wish me luck and I'll talk to my friends after 3:00. Toodles............

SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT

When you're moving forward into the world of becoming a published author it is so very nice to have supportive friends. I am blessed in this way. I've received so many words of encouragement and positive feedback that I know I'll keep moving toward my goal and plan to have all these friends come party with me when I finally find the right agent and my dream becomes reality.

One friend's faith in my abilities though came as quite a wonderful surprise. A dear friend from my High School days sent me an email after I was lamenting (great word from another friend) over the word count of DEADLY LETTERS. He said "We are becoming a world the Harry Potter volumes. Don't worry about that door, your door is right up ahead". My heart just soared. Here was a friend that I hadn't been in touch with for years...and he not only became a follower for my blog, but he inspired me to keep going and not to worry about the small details.

My door is right up ahead indeed! I just need to keep pushing onward, not allow myself to get caught up in all the little details, be myself and true to my writing and I know I will be a success! Thank you dear friend...you know who you are.

ON A ROLL

Yesterday I mentioned that I was going to spend some time just quietly reflecting on a possible story for a writing contest I was interested in submitting to. Well...it worked. While sitting, sipping tea on my back porch, listening to the birds chirping and staring off into space, I began forming a concept for a story in my mind. I got up, came inside, and immediately began pounding away on my laptop keys.

Three hours later I paused to take a break. My head was starting ache because I hadn't even stopped to grab a bite to eat. When you are on a "roll" you are truly on a roll! The words were forming in my head sometimes quicker than my fingers could type them. It is such a satisfying feeling when you are not struggling to link words together into viable sentences and believable story lines.

Later today I will complete the story. I stopped yesterday afternoon at very good point in my tale and I now know where it is headed and how it will end and will sprint toward the finish line. I was actually able to sleep last nite because I knew what I had accomplished and where I was headed. Wish all the other issues in my life were as easily solved.

Till tomorrow................

WALKING AWAY

I'm going to walk away from my "Great American Novel" for a few days. I think I need some distance so I can come back with a fresh mind and a fresh outlook. I am going to work on a short story for a contest I want to enter. My mind is buzzing with ideas, but I've been shoving them out of the nest one at a time to see if they'll fly and so far they've all gone SPLAT.

I'm going to take some quiet time today to just sit and reflect on what I'd like to submit. I don't normally write short stories, unless I am doing a children's book, so this will be a challenge for me. It's good to switch up our writing styles periodically. If you constantly write the same stuff, the same style over and over I think your writing becomes predictable and formulated. I have never been one who was predictable that's for sure! Just ask my husband! So I enjoy dabbling in children's tales, poetry, fiction and even a little (very little) non-fiction at times.

Going to grab my first cup of coffee for the day, sit on my back porch and let my mind wander. Hopefully in it's meanderings I will come up with a wonderful story idea and by this afternoon I'll be pounding away on my laptop keys...full steam ahead!!!

COUNTING, COUNTING, COUNTING

Okay so I have officially become obsessed with word counting. I have really let that dang agent do a number on my head. Even after researching word counts for my favorite novelists and seeing that some of their books appear to have the same number of words...I am still going nuts over this. I keep wondering...if I have 218 double spaced typed pages for my novel does that mean that a printed version, single spaced, would have the same number of pages, more pages or less pages? Is it okay to have a "novel" with only 42,000 words or does this automatically make it a "novella"? Not that I'm against publishing a novella, but there seems to be some kind conspiracy against agents representing them.

I feel like a women without a country. My tale is way too long to be considered a short story, but perhaps not long enough for a debut novel (I'll come back to this) and although it could be considered an okay length for a novella...there is little market in the publishing industry for novellas. When researching "debut" novels...I came across several articles stating that MOST and I have emphasize MOST...debut novels are at least 50,000. Geeee that's only 8,000 more words I have to conjure up for a story that I feel is complete. If I'm going to add more wordage I guess I'll have talk about Frank's athlete's foot problem or perhaps the horrible case of acne that Lisa had while in college. Perhaps the length of the curtains in all the rooms and every item of clothing worn, right down to their skivvies, should also be mentioned.

I'm in a quandry that's for sure. I'll try to get this all worked out today, make a decision and then implement a game plan...if need be. That's my "final answer Regis".

A QUICKY

This blog will be a quicky today. I have agreed to go sit at my daughter's apartment today and await the arrival of the refrigerator repair dude. This will be his second time coming to check out the loud noise that spews forth whenever the fan turns on, but for some reason, he couldn't seem to hear the noise when he was there last week. I don't think he tried very hard. So I am going to go sit and make sure today that he listens to the rattling which is so loud the TV in the adjoining room has to have it's volume turned up to 30 in order to drown out the refrigerator.

I am taking my computer, my second book outline and teabags. That should get me through however long I need to stay there. It will be a good time away from the filth in my own home, that I feel a need to take care of today. If I'm not home, then I can't see the dirt and therefore will concentrate on writing and not cleaning. If I'm lucky "repair dude" won't show up till this afternoon and I'll get lots of writing done. Maybe I'll even find another story. I shall name it: The Great Refrigerator Repair Adventure or maybe...The Repair Dude Chronicles.

Stories, stories everywhere! tata

ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT IN RALEIGH

And so it begins...received my first rejection email yesterday from Book Cents Literary Agency. The email stated that "unfortunately, Ms. Witthohn, only represents single title stories 80-100+ k word count. My little debut novel only has 42,000 words, so it is way too short for her to even consider. She did "sincerely" wish me the best of luck. WOW...punch to the solar plexus!! Self-doubt of course set in immediately. Not self-doubt as to my ability as a writer. I know I can write and I believe in the book I've completed. My self-doubt was over my word count. What do I do now? The story is complete. Can I really add an additional 10-20,000 more words? Do I WANT to add more words? Where will the story end up if I do? Will all the agents I'm contacting feel the same way about my word count?

PANIC, PANIC, PANIC...tossing, turning, nausea, what do I do, what do I do? So this is what I did first thing this morning. I researched a couple of my favorite authors. Janet Evanovich, who writes the Stephanie Plum novels, is an author I truly admire! Her books run around 255-265 pages, for a word count of around 50+. She does however, have one book which contained only 184 pages...mine has 218 pages. Robert Parker, author of the Spenser novels is another of my favorite authors. Most of his books contain 208 pages. An author after my own heart!

I like a quick, page turning read. I think the author should tell the story in a tight interesting way and not necessarily go off on tangents with pages and pages of description and unnecessary fluff. I find myself just thumbing through novels that go into too much description and finding the "meat" of the book...so for me...those authors could have cut out 100 pages or so cause I only read about 250 pages of them anyway.

I'm going to continue on my quest for an agent. I have sent out two "Bs" so far, and will finish up with the "Bs" today and start into the "Cs". My characters are happy with this and I am happy with this. Onward and upward!

I DID IT!

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! Have I mentioned that "I DID IT"? Wow, what a rush. Yesterday I re-read my query letter (yet again) and made what I think are really good changes. True, I had to dig deep for something to mention in the "me" paragraph, but I managed to toot my own horn a bit. When the letter was to my satisfaction, I pulled my synopsis back up, re-read that and managed to make it tighter and more to the point without losing the "sense" of what my book DEADLY LETTERS is all about. Finally I grabbed my Guide to Literary Agents 2009 and started going back over (for the 4th time) each and every one of the agents listings.

I only got through the "A's". I did say "started". You can't just read the agent's info, quickly scan to see if they are interested in your genre and then rush off that query. Have some respect for their position. You need to really "study" the agent's data. Go to their website where you can get a feel for who this agent is and details on how they want to receive submissions. Make sure that you are sending them exactly what they are asking for. Some agents only want the query, some want you to include your synopsis and some even want anywhere from the first 10 pages through the first 50. Every agent is different in their requirements. A few listed in the guide don't accept unsolicited manuscripts. I just moved on to the next one whenever I saw this notation. I also skipped any who didn't except electronic inquiries (just for now). I'm hoping when I incur mailing expenses it will be because an agent requests a copy of my entire manuscript to read.

I found what I felt were two good matches for what I've written and for what that agency is looking for. I'm still a newbie and this is a "debut" novel, so sometimes that hump can be tough to get over, but I know in my heart that there is an agent out there willing to jump off that cliff into publication with me, holding my hand the whole time and to whoever you are...I am eternally grateful.

The last major step in contacting agents...push the SEND button. Whew...that part was scary. But ya can't win the lottery if ya don't buy a ticket. Today...I start on the "Bs"! See ya on Monday!

INSTANT GRATIFICATION

We seem to live in a world today of "instant gratification". No one wants to wait for anything anymore. Fast food, faster internet connections, faster speed limits on our highways, build houses, make cars...faster...forget craftsmanship...just "get er done". We're raising a generation of impatient people.

If you are a writer you cannot be ruled by instant gratification. Writing anything worth reading is a slow, tedious process and you must move forward to "the end" one step at a time. Ideas have to incubate sometimes. They may seem wonderful when they first hit your brain's creativity spot, but if you give them some time to wander around in there...sometimes you may end up realizing that you need to move on to something else or change the way that idea popped up in your mind to begin with. It's okay. It's okay to not just run with everything that moves us. It's okay to throw some thoughts away. It's okay to re-arrange our thinking about stories and plots...till sometimes you won't even recognize them in the end.

When I started to write my "oooo-lala" novel I thought I had the story all lined up. I'd made a ton of notes and thought I knew exactly what this story and it's characters were about, where it would go and where it would end. But now, weeks later, I've let that story process for awhile in my brain and it is morphing even as we speak. Oh, the basic concept will be the same, but the end result will be so much better than I first imagined it. If I had leapt toward "instant gratification" this story would have been just bland, so-so and I would have missed out on an opportunity to create something I'd be really proud of.

So, if you're a writer, don't run toward the finish line. Move at a steady pace and if you need time to put your project on the back burner and let it simmer awhile, then that's okay too. Just don't let it sit there so long that it totally evaporates and you end up with nothing more than a burned pot.

PARADOXICAL

Don't ya just love big words? Who made these up? I recently took a Meyers-Briggs Personality Test on Facebook. The word "paradoxical" came up and I had to grab the dictionary. I was thrilled to see that it actually describes me to a "t"...I'm a paradox! I am contradictory to what people often think I am, I am certainly "absurd", a puzzle, a quiz...at times. I'm just really in love with this new word. I will be throwing it into my conversations constantly now.

I don't always use words exactly in the way the "inventor" meant for them to be used. I think some liberties should be taken with our language. It makes life interesting. Many years ago I took a Creative Writing course at a local community college and one of our assignments was to compare ourselves to a famous person. The majority of my classmates chose people you could find on any local TV station or in a celebrity magazine, but not me, oh no, I chose...Picasso. Why? Because he enjoyed thinking outside the box. His paintings were a "hodge podge" of colors, shapes and images that I feel are a great reflection to what is rumbling around inside my brain on a daily basis. I don't like predictability, but yet I like my life to be orderly...see there's that "paradox" thing again.

So come on fellow "paradox(s)" join me in the revolution to be absurd and contradictory. Life is so much more fun this way. Keep 'em guessing!

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

All work and no play makes Debe a very dull writer. So I took the day off to play. Went to Topsail with my hubby who just got back from a four day trip. We placed our beach chairs close enough to the water's edge that the fringe of the waves would lap at our feet as it rushed toward the shore. What a wonderful way to stay cool on such a hot day.

I shared a story idea that I have for yet another novel with my husband and he liked it, so I'm going to start working on an outline...but not BEFORE I get those query letters sent to at least 30 agents regarding my completed work "Deadly Letters".

Fellow writers, do you ever feel that ideas are just vomiting (what a lovely word but appropriate for what I'm feeling) out of your brain insisting on being given a voice and being heard...but you have to "pace" yourself? That's so hard for me to do. I've got one completed manuscript, two others that I've started and here I go again...coming up with yet another idea. I'm gonna blame this one on a good friend though, who suggested I write a certain style of manuscript and then I couldn't seem to get past that and before I knew it I was coming up with a concept and started writing it in my head. As Scotty used to say "steady as she goes Captain." I need to slow down a little or nothing will ever truly come to fruition.

So my day of "rest" was good for me. I got to spend a lovely day with my beloved husband and although I shared my idea for yet another "novel" plot with him...I now know in what order I will be finishing each of these manuscripts I have started, while I sit and wait on responses to my queries.

RUN, RUN, RUN

Run, run, run...I feel like a hamster in a wheel...just moving my little feet as fast as I can, but not feeling like I'm getting anywhere. It's 6:40p.m. and I am just getting around to posting my blog for the day. Still helping my daughter get her new place in order and had a house full of women last nite and quite frankly...my brain is fried!

I did get some great story ideas sitting around talking with friends. Some creative "turn of phrases" were picked up here and there. What an interesting group of ladies I have in my life. Each and every one of them is very special to me in very different ways. We all seem to mesh together so well. I truly love them all.

We played a new game last nite called "The Game of Things". A card is picked with a statement on it...such as, "things you shouldn't say to your in-laws" or "things you wish worked by remote control." For each round a designated reader is chosen and everyone writes their brief response to the statement on a sheet of paper, along with their name and hands it to the reader. She then reads each response outloud and starting with the person to her left, that person tries to guess who gave what response. We played about 5 rounds and I was so entertained by some of the answers that were given. I was also able to come up with some funny ideas for future writing endeavors.

Thank you ladies for keeping me company while my hubby is out carousing with his men friends. You are all greatly appreciated!

Back to the actual art of writing...Monday!

A PLETHORA OF IDEAS

Took my hubby to the airport yesterday, so he could fly to Chicago for "Man's Weekend". I wish I could be a mouse in his pocket, cause I just know there are some great stories developing while these four guys are together. This is an annual event between four guys who grew up together. They are celebrating their 11th year...MWIX as their illustrious "leader" likes to refer to it.

While I was driving away from the airport I was "waxing nostalgic" back to a time...eons ago...when I was in my 20's and living in Pittsburgh, PA. A very good friend and I used to spend lazy days sitting in the local airport just sipping Cokes and watching the people coming and going. The airport was a plethora (that's right I used the word "plethora"...pat on back) of story ideas. We enjoyed making up story lines for people as we relaxed and observed them.

I miss those "hanging out at the airport" days. These days you can't get past security and if you were seen hanging around the ticket area all the time you'd probably be arrested, subjected to a thorough "pat down" and possibly even a cavity search. (and I ain't talking teeth here) However, may I suggest the...bus station? Grab your mace and your stun gun, cause for some reason cities seem to love building bus stations in the worst sections of town, but if you are a writer looking for "fodder" (that's right I used the word "fodder"...another pat on back) then by all means head to the bus station. If you're looking for ideas in a less dangerous area (wimp) then visit your local park or museum. Any place where hundreds of people gather each day is sure to spark a creative musing or two and who knows...maybe one of those "musings" will become a best seller.

LOGISTICS

The brain is an amazing piece of human body equipment. Just think about it. Your brain is basically responsible for every little freakin' thing you do. If it works right...then you have no problems. If though, you have the kind of brain I seemed to have been blessed (using term lightly) with, then your thoughts and memory are somewhat scattered. I love the fact that I can now blame my "dispersed brain disease" on aging. I'm not sure how I used to explain it to myself and others before I reached the age of 40...because I can't remember...duh.

But I "disperse". I actually wanted to talk about Logistics. I woke up yesterday morning with this word running through my head, but to be honest I have no idea how it got there or even what the word meant exactly. I thought I knew the meaning, but when I looked it up, this is what I found...Logistics: "the planning, implementation and coordination of details. Why had the "definition God" seen fit to drop this little word nugget into my brain at 6a.m. yesterday? Because I needed to study the "logistics" of my manuscript. Especially the "coordination of details" bit.

So once again I started reading through my manuscript and guess what? I had some real logistical problems! One of the major ones that I found was the cities the characters were living in. I had two of them living in the same town...why wouldn't they have visited each other? I had one of my characters with baby blues in one chapter and several chapters later...she had flashing green eyes and she hadn't even started wearing colored contacts.

Moral of this little rant...check the "logistics" in your manuscript before sending it out. I'm not saying an agent or publisher wouldn't still have thought my book worthy of printing, but as a debut author I think it's important for me to keep my "diverse brain disease" to myself and at least appear competent.

I'LL GO CRAZY

A very famous woman, namely Scarlett O'Hara, once said, "I can't think about that right now. If I do I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." Lordy, don't I wish writing worked this way. If I think about sending my "newborn" manuscript to an agent...I feel like I'll go crazy. I HAVE to send it, of course, to even have a chance at getting published...but it drives me nuts, the pressure of rejection. And there will be rejection. No doubt about that. I haven't written a Noble prize winning, life altering, Oprah book club story, but I have written a thrilling, page turning romance, worthy of publication. It's just stumbling through the process and finding that right fit, when it comes to agents.

A dear friend of mine, emailed me a wonderful quote one day, by Ralph Waldo Emerson. It started out, "Finish each day and be done with it." In our personal lives, I think that is definitely what we should attempt to do. Forget the crap that slowed us down, hurt us or made us feel bad about ourselves. Keep pushing. But my writing and my relationship with it is different. I can't just be "done with it." Emerson goes on to say, "You've done what you could." Have I? Have I really Ralph? Done all I could? In my world of self-doubt I'm not too sure of that. The quote continues, "tomorrow is a new day." NOW we're on the same page Ralphie buddy! I get another chance "tomorrow". Or do I...cause we all know..."tomorrow never comes." sigh..................... Picking up highlighter....

I GOT NOTHING....

I got nothing this morning. One of the rules of writing...when you don't feel like writing, when your mind is a blank, when it's pure agony to place your fingers on those computer keys...do it anyway! I'm sure this morning you aren't going to get anything worthy of praise, but hey...at least my digits are typing away!

Maybe I can just amuse all of you with a little tale from last night. Our next door neighbor came over for a visit with a bottle of wine. His wife is out of town for a few days and we love hanging out with them (missed her) so it was nice that he came to chit-chat for a bit. Remember the dog poop story I was driven to share with you in yesterday's blog? Well, guess what...we ended up in another discussion about dog droppings. I hadn't even mentioned the Saturday conversation, so this was a topic that morphed into being all on its own. We talked about dogs in our neighborhood who are allowed, by their owners, to use our lawns as their potties...we talked about burning bags of dog poo and believe it or not...it just all went downhill (if that's possible) from there. I'm concerned. Is this what my life has become...friends and relatives sitting around regaling each other with stories of poo?

I'm going out with a group of ladies' this evening. I don't plan on mentioning doggy poop at all, but so help me...if somehow this topic of conversation comes up...I am high tailing my butt (no pun intended) out of that place and back home to my fortress of solitude and peace and quiet. Can I get a "no sheeeeeet"?

INDEX TO INSPIRATION

Everywhere I go and everything I do makes me want to put pen to paper and write about something I've seen or heard. This weekend was no exception. Although every muscle in my body is screaming in agony after hauling boxes, painting walls and stressing over things not running exactly perfect for the "great American apartment switch" this weekend, I am grateful for the story ideas that I picked up while hurrying here and there.

I've purchased a small box. Index card size. I've also purchased the index cards to go in the box. On the index cards I plan to write things that stir my interest. I always carry a notebook with me, but now I will also carry some index cards. I'm at that wonderful age where...if I don't write down my thoughts right away...they ain't gonna be there two minutes later for me to recall. I like to think this is because after so many years my brain is so totally full of information that I don't have a spare corner to store any other facts in, so thoughts just run through me like water. (this is my story and I'm sticking to it!) At any rate grabbing an index card and making a few notes about what I've just experienced or something I've just seen or maybe snippets of a conversation I've just overheard...will help me later when I'm trying to come up with an idea for a story line. I'll put all my cards in the index box and I will call it "My Index to Inspiration".

An example of an index card filled out for this weekend...a large dog "dropping" left on the walking path at my daughter's brand new apartment complex, with the doggy poop bag dispenser two feet away. This started almost an hour's discussion on inconsideration, size of the dog, laziness of the owner, will this be continued behaviour, whose job was it to pick it up now....SEE...definitely worthy of an index card! So grab a box, stuff some index cards in your pants pocket or purse and start making notes!

RUSH, RUSH, RUSH

Journalist often have to work with very time restrictive deadlines. That's how I've felt my life has been going late...deadlines, deadlines. What happened to my relaxing...it'll get done when it gets done down time?

I'm off this morning, paintin' pants on, roller in hand and ready to use my creative abilities in a fun way other than writing. This made me wonder. If you are a creative soul...are you creative in many areas of your life? Do you see the world through paint palette glasses and catchy phrases? I LOVE writing. It's what motivates me and makes me feel whole. But I also really enjoy making a t-shirt line I call "Posi-tees", album art, record bowls, psychedelic wood flowers, jewelry...anything that stretches my creativity makes me feel like the day is worth living.

Today's assignment is "interior decorating". I have a completely clean slate to work with. Brand new apartment, almost all new furniture and accessories going in...and my daughter has actually ASKED me for my help! Be still my heart!

Sunday...is my day off from blogging, so I'll see all you lovely readers on Monday morning. Go do something that stimulates your mind today!

IT'S A BUST....

As a writer one of my biggest challenges is finding time to write. I thought I was finally getting a grip on this problem. I've been doing my blog each morning, which I now loving refer to as "calethenics for my brain". I've been ignoring the dust bunnies and dirty dishes piling up in my sink. I certainly wouldn't want to see anyone try to "eat off my floor" right now! I mean I really thought I was accomplishing something here. So what's happened???

LIFE...oh not my life! But family, friends, neighbors...you know everyone who needs a piece of me and I can't say no. Actually, to be honest, I don't want to say no. If I say no then I will feel obligated to venture into "agent and query hell" and quite frankly...I'm avoiding. Remember years ago the cute ad "avoid the noid"? Well this agent/query/synopsis thing has become my "Noid".

I was looking back at some of my blogging over the past month and I must say...I sounded like I was on a roll. I'd gotten my manuscript out, read through it, made my final changes, re-wrote my query.................screeeeecccchhhhh.........that's the sound of my determination and fortitude coming to a halt.

My daughter is moving tomorrow. I'll be meeting her at the apartment office to lend moral support while she signs her lease today. Then I'm going to help with packing up final items. My son will be visiting us for the weekend, to also lend a much needed hand for the move. I will be spending the rest of the weekend painting, loading boxes and hefting heavy pieces of furniture in and out of the U-haul rental. I will need to cook and spend time catching up on the latest news with my son, who I don't get to see very often. In other words...this weekend is a "bust" for me as far as actively working on contacting potential agents.

Wonder what excuses I can come up with next week? Maybe I should put "avoidance" on my to-do list for next week also? Avoidance.....hmmmmmmmmmmmm.........................

DAY OFF

I'm taking a day off. I'm taking a day away from my frustrations, headaches, lumps in stomach and overall frustration. I will unwind with a yoga class this morning, lunch with a good friend and I may even take a nap this afternoon. I plan to wind up my day with dinner and movie with another friend, but I am not going to worry at all about my writing.

Yesterday I was going through Guide to Literary Agents. I had previously marked several agents I felt might be a good match for "Deadly Letters". I ended up "googling" several of them and there is a website, absolutewrite.com/forums, that pops up each time you google an agent. It is a site that you can go to and chat with fellow writers. There is a special section for newbies to chat. The problem I ran into was that not one agent I was considering had anything nice written about them by the writer's on this site. Surely every agent out there can't be cold, heartless, lacking in vision or cruel. To read some these comments you'd come to believe that all agents are basically just "ball breakers" and I don't even HAVE balls (well not in the physical sense anyway)

Lesson learned? I am going to simply go directly to the agents website, see what they have to say and what they are looking for and if I feel that maybe...just maybe.. we could work well together, then I'm going to take a running jump off this cliff I'm standing on and pray that I make at least a semi-soft landing. I expect rejections. I won't feel like a real writer if I don't get some of those. But I don't want to feel like I've been drawn and quartered either. Be gentle with me oh great agent Gods...I am but a poor meager writer...trying to spread my wings and get a start in the world................

WINDING UP FOR THE PITCH...

There's a great book called "Making the Perfect Pitch" (How to Catch a Literary Agent's Eye) by Katharine Sands, that I purchased about eight months ago. It is filled with short chapters authored by a selection of agents about what they look for in a query, a synopsis and in a potential client. It is like finding gold at the end of the rainbow. It not only gives you some fantastic tips and information, but it also gives you a little bit of a peek into many of the agents personalities and gives you a feel regarding the agency they work for.

When I orginally purchased this book I devoured it! I read it from cover to cover...even the agent's that didn't represent the genre I write in were consumed. I didn't take tiny little baby bites, I scooped the information up with a soup spoon and stuffed myself with it's yumminess. I made notes throughout, underlined, highlighted and marked certain pages. Then I put it back on my bookshelf.

I forgot it was there! Until the "Goddess of my dreams" reminded me of it last night during my slumber. I got it back off that bookshelf first thing this morning and I am going to spend the day (okay a good portion of the day) going back over all my notes.

I re-wrote the dreaded query yesterday and I have to say I am more satisfied with it now. My notes in "Making the Perfect Pitch" will help me to fine-tune it even more. I still have that knot in my stomach at the idea of reaching out to agents, but at least I'm not standing still any longer.
"Vive la agents and la dreaded query"

THE DREADED QUERY

The dreaded "query". That's what looms in front of me today. This probably accounts for my total lack of sleep last night, regardless of how many times I bunched my pillow, emitted deep sighs and tried counting my breaths...in, out, in, out. The large lump in the pit of my stomach refuses to go away this morning. I HATE the idea of having to compose a query letter.

I'm a writer. A teller of tall tales. I weave a good read together, but tootin' my own horn has never been one of my strong points.

Problem #1: A query has to be non-fiction. I WRITE fiction. I can't expound upon the truth in my query. It must be factual and honest. This alone is enough to make my insides quiver (and I ain't talkin' with desire!)

Problem #2: I must take my 210 page novel, with all it's intricate details, and somehow...squeeze it's juicy plot down into a description that can hook a prospective agent in one to two short paragraphs.

Problem #3: I am NOT already a published author. In that dreaded paragraph where I have to tell all about myself...I don't have a degree in Journalism or Creative Writing, I haven't won any awards for short story submittals, I haven't had anything officially published yet...but I CAN write DAMN IT! Maybe this is exactly how I will word this paragraph.

Most agents now accept queries by email...along with a synopsis and the first 10 or so pages of your manuscript. That's going to save me a lot of money in postage, cause I intend to query every agent who is even remotely interested in receiving submissions for thriller romances. Let the good times roll...kind of like my stomach.

JUST THE FACTS......

When writing a non-fiction book, as you already know, a lot of research needs to be done. The same is true though for fiction. inevitably some sort of research needs to be done. Sometimes you research writing styles, genres, geography, legaleese, or medical or historical facts, but in any good piece of writing the author has done some sort of fact finding.

Fiction may be fiction, but that doesn't mean that the intelligence of the reader should be dismissed. You can only stretch facts so far, except maybe with Sci-Fi or Fantasy. I don't know what sort of research you'd do for these styles because I've always been kind of grounded in fact and my brain, although full of strange imaginings, still seems to stop just short of jumping off that cliff toward...REALLY...FLYING MONKEYS? REALLY? That's not to say I don't like reading one of these wonderful works once in a while, but I can't imagine ever writing one.

A lot of my research involves reading books in the styles that I enjoy writing in and I encourage each and every one of you to do the same. Just don't go don't that "dark road" that I often travel after reading a genre that I really love and respect and strive to become a published author in one day...that blackness in your mind that says "hey el stupido...there ain't no way you can write anything as good as this author...so why ya botherin'?" This kind of thinking can stop me cold for weeks sometimes. I may not be Sandra Brown, Alexandra Sokolov, Mary Higgins Clark, John Grisham, Lee Child...but they weren't them either before their first novel was published. What I do learn from reading their works though is that each and everyone one of them did some sort of research before completing any of their novels for print. I'm not one of these anal people who'll interrupt a good read to check a fact the author has shared, but the really good authors never give me reason to feel I even need to do that.

We are so blessed as writers in this day and age... to have the ultimate research tool right at our finger tips. Instant confirmation of facts are available, just a click away. Get out there into the public to do research also though. Nothing brings a scene to life more than having it based on observations and conversations held with real live subjects. People love to share their knowledge with others and as writers...we should always be listening.

BEATING MYSELF UP

I didn't write yesterday. I did my blog, answered a couple of emails, left a couple of comments on Facebook and Twitter...but I didn't spend any time with Star or Ford and I didn't spend anytime with Frank, Robert or any of the girls. I feel like I let good friends down.

I admit that I had a busy day yesterday. Up early, a three hour meeting I had to attend, lunch to eat, a couple of errands to run, a nap to take (yeah all that wore me out...wimp) and by then my hubby was home and I wanted to spend a nice evening with him, so I blew off my fantasy buddies and just thought about me.

As you know from my past blog (Weekend Writing 7/18) I don't write on weekends. I had big plans since being bitten with the creativity bug again, to only be inspired Monday through Friday. So what do I do now that I have missed a day? I used to get this same feeling when I would skip a day at work (not that I did this often) and I wasn't really sick. I had this kind of lost, lazy, floating in the ozone sensation till I was back at my desk the next day. I'm a creature of habit. Not OCDish..but I like to feel organized and grounded and a routine helps me to achieve peace in my life.

If you are a writer...you should set up a routine for yourself. Whether it's for an hour each morning before going to work, an hour or two each evening right after work, or an hour or more before going to bed each night...you should write. I need to learn to set "time boundaries". My writing is my job and I should treat it as such. If people want to spend time with me...it will have to be after or before my "writing time" not during.

My mind feels sluggish today even trying to push through my blogging. One day without mental calisthenics and I'm drudging through brain mire. I WILL get back in touch with my fantasy friends this morning, because I've come to the conclusion...that I need them as much as they need me. To hell with Saturday...give me my manuscript!

STRETCHING THE TRUTH

I was quite a talented liar when I was a child. I don't mean the ordinary lies like..."no" I didn't pick the neighbors flowers or "no" I didn't track all that mud into the house or "no" I didn't eat a candy bar ten minutes before dinner and ruin my appetite. I mean I was a pro at stretching the truth. I could spin a yarn by the age of eight that would have people sitting on the edge of their seats...at least other eight year olds who were naive enough to believe what I was telling them.

I didn't have a particularly happy childhood and one of the ways that I escaped that sadness was to over compensate when telling someone a story. And that's what most of what I imparted to others about my life was ...stories. I think this was truly the beginning though of a great imagination and a true story teller.

For three years, while growing up, I was lucky enough for one month each summer to go to Camp Longacres, a horse camp in upstate New York. I remember the first year I came back sitting at the table eating dinner with my parents and them asking me how I'd enjoyed it. Well, I could have just mumbled "fine" like most kids my age would have. But I was a writer, a teller of tales even then and I needed to make it seem like that camp stay was not just okay...but fantastic!! So I spun a yarn about being in the horse ring taking my lesson when suddenly one of the other girl's horses took off with her and I had to gallop to her side and rescue her from her runaway stead and certain death. Kudos to my parents who just sat there nodding and smiling as I took 30 minutes to expound on this story and give them all the details right down to the breed of each of the horses.

You may think this is scandolous, but I appreciate my childhood imaginings. I don't have those same tendancies to enhance stories about my personal life now as an adult. But it can take me 30 minutes to share a 5 minute anecdote because I'm a writer and I need to paint a full picture as I give a narrative. Hey...it's who I am so if you don't have at least 30 minutes...then be warned...don't ask me any questions or get me involved in a conversation.

SLEEPLESS IN RALEIGH

Yawn---so sorry. If you are a serious writer, then you feel happiest when you are writing. It is what drives your life. It's to your emotional well-being like water and air are to your body. Unfortunately, it can also make you sleep deprived.

I was exhausted when I fell into bed last night. My mind went quiet, my body went quiet and I slipped into a deep restful sleep. POW, ZAP, 2a.m. arrives and I am wide awake, mind racing, charging off in every direction. There are plot lines being developed, paragraphs being written in my head that honestly make no sense because they're a hodge-podge of the two projects I'm currently working on.

I slip out of bed and decide a visit to the bathroom might allow me to flush these imaginings away and then I can go back to sleep. Climbing back into bed I punch my pillow a few times, fluffing it up and venting some frustration and then I sigh, take a deep breath and think "sleep"! My eyes are shut but I am wide awake in novel central. Buzz, buzz, buzz. I punch my pillow a few more times, flip from side to side, check the clock (3:30a.m), mumble to myself and try again and again to get back to that wonderful quiet restful sleep area I was in just a few short hours ago. How my husband manages to sleep through all this commotion is a mystery to me.

Now, I know some of you are thinking...why didn't you just get up and write, you ninny? And my answer would be...just because my mind is wide awake, doesn't mean my body is. My body is exhausted. I'm not one of these super-humans who can survive on just 3-4 hours of sleep per night. There is no point in me getting up cause my fingers won't work on the keyboard and the things that are running through my mind really shouldn't be put on paper anyway. I think that stories are supposed to make sense.

I decide my only saving grace at this point is to jump on board the "Ambien" train. I don't take a whole one cause I'd like to be up before noon, but a quarter of a tablet is just enough to quiet my monkey brain antics and allow me to get three more hours of sleep.

I read all the time about writer's who work all day and then type into the wee hours of the night. One thing you can count on...I will NEVER be one of those writers.

YAWN...I could use a nap.

STORIES SURROUND US

I DID IT! I spent most of the day yesterday pounding away at my laptop keys and I wasn't sending emails or playing YoVille on Facebook...it was really and truly, honest to God writing! I never did get back to the beach with Star Matthews...or to any of the racy sex scenes I was looking forward to writing. I actually opened the box with my original manuscript "Deadly Letters", grabbed the USB flashdrive that I'd saved it on and started on my final re-writes.

I did take a brief break to go have lunch with a friend (which was a feat cause my stomach had been messed up all morning), but I was glad I made the effort to meet up with her. Some people just make you feel good after spending time with them and Julie is this type of person.

I don't believe that writer's should just hole up inside their little compounds and never step out into the sunshine for months at a time. I think you stagnate that way. Writing, for me, is about observing people and their behaviours and then working to capture that on paper. Besides, you can get some awesome story ideas by getting out there.

For example, while sitting at a lovely table outside the Cameron Bar and Grill yesterday, waiting for Julie to arrive, I was approached by a lady who appeared to be in her early 50's, with short dark hair and an expectant smile on her face. "Sue?" she questioned me. I smiled and said no. Looking slightly embarrassed she explained that she was there to meet an old friend she hadn't seen in twenty years. The only thing she really knew about the woman was that she was now a blonde. I was sorry I wasn't that friend. This woman was so excited about seeing her buddy again after all these years. I asked her if she'd like to sit with me for awhile till our guests arrived, but she said she was going to try calling Sue and hurried off. I kept an eye on her though, interested in her story. She ended up sitting at a table, alone, further down our row. Later, while Julie and I were munching on our salads and talking, the mystery woman came walking by our table. I placed my hand gently on her arm and when she turned toward me asked, "Is your friend coming?" Her eyes were saddened as she said, "She forgot. We will meet up next week instead."

There's a story there folks. Everything and everyone around you is a story waiting to be told. How after twenty years of not seeing someone could you forget you were to meet them for lunch? Why didn't the woman show? Will they meet up next week or will she find an excuse of some sort not to come? A hundred questions float through my mind when I observe a scenario like this one.

Stories are all around us...open your eyes fellow writers and write!

SEX SELLS

I broke my rule this weekend. I wrote on Sunday. I had exchanged a few emails with a fellow writer, here in Raleigh, Emilie Rose. She writes romance novels. Short, sexy, passionate infused romance novels. Of course, because we were corresponding (sort 0f) I felt obligated to grab one of her stories and read it. "Bargained Into Her Boss' Bed" is from the Silloutte Desire line. WOW. I remember reading the Harlequin romances when I was barely a teen and hiding them under my mattress and in the bottom of my dresser drawer under my panties...which seemed appropriate. They were considered scandalous back then. His throbbing member would send us teen girls into a fit of laughter and turn our cheeks red. When he kissed her and made her "swoon" with desire...we had a pretty good idea where that was going to lead, but we weren't lucky enough in those days to get all the details of exactly what took place.

Have you read one of these lately? Holy orgasm! This is my kind of reading and just for giggles sake I want to see if I can produce one of these myself. I think I need to do a little more (read "a lot more!") research though. I'm going to stock up on a good supply of Desire books and force myself to read through them. I'm sure I'll have re-read the "lovemaking" scene several times for learning purposes.

I wonder if my husband would mind if I take notes while we're in the throws of passion? Pen and pad in hand...hold on a second dear, was that one nipple squeeze or two. Were you just nibbling on my ear or my neck or both? I need to write this down.

Back to my first sentence...I broke my rule this weekend. I started a hotsy totsy, wooo hooo, novel. I completed the first chapter and part of the second. My sexer and sexee haven't actually met yet, but she's getting ready to go knock on his door today and trust me...SPARKS WILL FLY! How else would I be able to get to all those lovely bedroom scenes I'm excited about putting down on paper? Keep your eyes on the bookshelves in your local Barnes & Noble or Borders for "Catch a Fallen Star". This could be the most fun I've had in months!!

WEEKEND WRITING WARRIOR

The Weekend Novelist, by Robert Ray, is a great book for anyone who doesn't have the time to write during the week, but is disciplined enough to write on the weekends.

I can't write on the weekends...even if there's a blizzard outside or it's pouring down rain with thunder and lightning I will want to curl up in a corner of the sofa, in my soft, cuddly robe and warm, fuzzy slippers and read...someone else's novel. Any other weather conditions and I just want to get outside and have some fun! Not that my writing isn't fun, at times, but it's an isolated, lonely endeavor for the most part and I am a very social person. To be a weekend "writing warrior" I would have to get up on Saturday morning and instead of spending time with the newspaper and a giant cup of coffee, feet elevated, sitting on my lovely screened-in back porch, listening to the birds chirping, the sound of lawn mowers running, children laughing at play and my next door neighbors loading up equipment for their son's ballgame...I would have to sit in my home office with the door closed, trying to block out the noises of life in my cul-de-sac and pound away at my computer keyboard.

I can't give up my weekends! I will simply have to develop a habit of writing five days a week and spend my Saturdays and Sundays enjoying the energy of the 8-5 group that swirls around me as they enjoy their down time.

I am making a vow to myself...and my fellow readers (I know you're out there)...Monday morning 8a.m. I will open the box holding my manuscript, turn to page one and begin reading it...page by page...all over again, make my FINAL changes.

Until then, I want everyone to enjoy their weekend hours and if anyone would like my copy of "The Weekend Novelist"...just let me know............