BEATING MYSELF UP

I didn't write yesterday. I did my blog, answered a couple of emails, left a couple of comments on Facebook and Twitter...but I didn't spend any time with Star or Ford and I didn't spend anytime with Frank, Robert or any of the girls. I feel like I let good friends down.

I admit that I had a busy day yesterday. Up early, a three hour meeting I had to attend, lunch to eat, a couple of errands to run, a nap to take (yeah all that wore me out...wimp) and by then my hubby was home and I wanted to spend a nice evening with him, so I blew off my fantasy buddies and just thought about me.

As you know from my past blog (Weekend Writing 7/18) I don't write on weekends. I had big plans since being bitten with the creativity bug again, to only be inspired Monday through Friday. So what do I do now that I have missed a day? I used to get this same feeling when I would skip a day at work (not that I did this often) and I wasn't really sick. I had this kind of lost, lazy, floating in the ozone sensation till I was back at my desk the next day. I'm a creature of habit. Not OCDish..but I like to feel organized and grounded and a routine helps me to achieve peace in my life.

If you are a writer...you should set up a routine for yourself. Whether it's for an hour each morning before going to work, an hour or two each evening right after work, or an hour or more before going to bed each night...you should write. I need to learn to set "time boundaries". My writing is my job and I should treat it as such. If people want to spend time with me...it will have to be after or before my "writing time" not during.

My mind feels sluggish today even trying to push through my blogging. One day without mental calisthenics and I'm drudging through brain mire. I WILL get back in touch with my fantasy friends this morning, because I've come to the conclusion...that I need them as much as they need me. To hell with Saturday...give me my manuscript!

STRETCHING THE TRUTH

I was quite a talented liar when I was a child. I don't mean the ordinary lies like..."no" I didn't pick the neighbors flowers or "no" I didn't track all that mud into the house or "no" I didn't eat a candy bar ten minutes before dinner and ruin my appetite. I mean I was a pro at stretching the truth. I could spin a yarn by the age of eight that would have people sitting on the edge of their seats...at least other eight year olds who were naive enough to believe what I was telling them.

I didn't have a particularly happy childhood and one of the ways that I escaped that sadness was to over compensate when telling someone a story. And that's what most of what I imparted to others about my life was ...stories. I think this was truly the beginning though of a great imagination and a true story teller.

For three years, while growing up, I was lucky enough for one month each summer to go to Camp Longacres, a horse camp in upstate New York. I remember the first year I came back sitting at the table eating dinner with my parents and them asking me how I'd enjoyed it. Well, I could have just mumbled "fine" like most kids my age would have. But I was a writer, a teller of tales even then and I needed to make it seem like that camp stay was not just okay...but fantastic!! So I spun a yarn about being in the horse ring taking my lesson when suddenly one of the other girl's horses took off with her and I had to gallop to her side and rescue her from her runaway stead and certain death. Kudos to my parents who just sat there nodding and smiling as I took 30 minutes to expound on this story and give them all the details right down to the breed of each of the horses.

You may think this is scandolous, but I appreciate my childhood imaginings. I don't have those same tendancies to enhance stories about my personal life now as an adult. But it can take me 30 minutes to share a 5 minute anecdote because I'm a writer and I need to paint a full picture as I give a narrative. Hey...it's who I am so if you don't have at least 30 minutes...then be warned...don't ask me any questions or get me involved in a conversation.

SLEEPLESS IN RALEIGH

Yawn---so sorry. If you are a serious writer, then you feel happiest when you are writing. It is what drives your life. It's to your emotional well-being like water and air are to your body. Unfortunately, it can also make you sleep deprived.

I was exhausted when I fell into bed last night. My mind went quiet, my body went quiet and I slipped into a deep restful sleep. POW, ZAP, 2a.m. arrives and I am wide awake, mind racing, charging off in every direction. There are plot lines being developed, paragraphs being written in my head that honestly make no sense because they're a hodge-podge of the two projects I'm currently working on.

I slip out of bed and decide a visit to the bathroom might allow me to flush these imaginings away and then I can go back to sleep. Climbing back into bed I punch my pillow a few times, fluffing it up and venting some frustration and then I sigh, take a deep breath and think "sleep"! My eyes are shut but I am wide awake in novel central. Buzz, buzz, buzz. I punch my pillow a few more times, flip from side to side, check the clock (3:30a.m), mumble to myself and try again and again to get back to that wonderful quiet restful sleep area I was in just a few short hours ago. How my husband manages to sleep through all this commotion is a mystery to me.

Now, I know some of you are thinking...why didn't you just get up and write, you ninny? And my answer would be...just because my mind is wide awake, doesn't mean my body is. My body is exhausted. I'm not one of these super-humans who can survive on just 3-4 hours of sleep per night. There is no point in me getting up cause my fingers won't work on the keyboard and the things that are running through my mind really shouldn't be put on paper anyway. I think that stories are supposed to make sense.

I decide my only saving grace at this point is to jump on board the "Ambien" train. I don't take a whole one cause I'd like to be up before noon, but a quarter of a tablet is just enough to quiet my monkey brain antics and allow me to get three more hours of sleep.

I read all the time about writer's who work all day and then type into the wee hours of the night. One thing you can count on...I will NEVER be one of those writers.

YAWN...I could use a nap.

STORIES SURROUND US

I DID IT! I spent most of the day yesterday pounding away at my laptop keys and I wasn't sending emails or playing YoVille on Facebook...it was really and truly, honest to God writing! I never did get back to the beach with Star Matthews...or to any of the racy sex scenes I was looking forward to writing. I actually opened the box with my original manuscript "Deadly Letters", grabbed the USB flashdrive that I'd saved it on and started on my final re-writes.

I did take a brief break to go have lunch with a friend (which was a feat cause my stomach had been messed up all morning), but I was glad I made the effort to meet up with her. Some people just make you feel good after spending time with them and Julie is this type of person.

I don't believe that writer's should just hole up inside their little compounds and never step out into the sunshine for months at a time. I think you stagnate that way. Writing, for me, is about observing people and their behaviours and then working to capture that on paper. Besides, you can get some awesome story ideas by getting out there.

For example, while sitting at a lovely table outside the Cameron Bar and Grill yesterday, waiting for Julie to arrive, I was approached by a lady who appeared to be in her early 50's, with short dark hair and an expectant smile on her face. "Sue?" she questioned me. I smiled and said no. Looking slightly embarrassed she explained that she was there to meet an old friend she hadn't seen in twenty years. The only thing she really knew about the woman was that she was now a blonde. I was sorry I wasn't that friend. This woman was so excited about seeing her buddy again after all these years. I asked her if she'd like to sit with me for awhile till our guests arrived, but she said she was going to try calling Sue and hurried off. I kept an eye on her though, interested in her story. She ended up sitting at a table, alone, further down our row. Later, while Julie and I were munching on our salads and talking, the mystery woman came walking by our table. I placed my hand gently on her arm and when she turned toward me asked, "Is your friend coming?" Her eyes were saddened as she said, "She forgot. We will meet up next week instead."

There's a story there folks. Everything and everyone around you is a story waiting to be told. How after twenty years of not seeing someone could you forget you were to meet them for lunch? Why didn't the woman show? Will they meet up next week or will she find an excuse of some sort not to come? A hundred questions float through my mind when I observe a scenario like this one.

Stories are all around us...open your eyes fellow writers and write!

SEX SELLS

I broke my rule this weekend. I wrote on Sunday. I had exchanged a few emails with a fellow writer, here in Raleigh, Emilie Rose. She writes romance novels. Short, sexy, passionate infused romance novels. Of course, because we were corresponding (sort 0f) I felt obligated to grab one of her stories and read it. "Bargained Into Her Boss' Bed" is from the Silloutte Desire line. WOW. I remember reading the Harlequin romances when I was barely a teen and hiding them under my mattress and in the bottom of my dresser drawer under my panties...which seemed appropriate. They were considered scandalous back then. His throbbing member would send us teen girls into a fit of laughter and turn our cheeks red. When he kissed her and made her "swoon" with desire...we had a pretty good idea where that was going to lead, but we weren't lucky enough in those days to get all the details of exactly what took place.

Have you read one of these lately? Holy orgasm! This is my kind of reading and just for giggles sake I want to see if I can produce one of these myself. I think I need to do a little more (read "a lot more!") research though. I'm going to stock up on a good supply of Desire books and force myself to read through them. I'm sure I'll have re-read the "lovemaking" scene several times for learning purposes.

I wonder if my husband would mind if I take notes while we're in the throws of passion? Pen and pad in hand...hold on a second dear, was that one nipple squeeze or two. Were you just nibbling on my ear or my neck or both? I need to write this down.

Back to my first sentence...I broke my rule this weekend. I started a hotsy totsy, wooo hooo, novel. I completed the first chapter and part of the second. My sexer and sexee haven't actually met yet, but she's getting ready to go knock on his door today and trust me...SPARKS WILL FLY! How else would I be able to get to all those lovely bedroom scenes I'm excited about putting down on paper? Keep your eyes on the bookshelves in your local Barnes & Noble or Borders for "Catch a Fallen Star". This could be the most fun I've had in months!!