TRASH

It never ceases to surprise me when someone comments on how "together" I am. I am such an insecure individual it borders on the ridiculous. I was told from the young age of six that I would never amount to anything and would always just be "gutter tripe"...and a part of my psyche believed that. I've worked my entire life to overcome these uncertainties about myself as a human being and although I've made great progress...thanks to the help of some amazing, wonderful friends I've had over the years...I am still not to the point where I can brag on myself.

To be a successful writer...especially in this day and age...you need to be able to promote yourself. You need to truly believe that you are a talent just waiting to be discovered and you need to portray yourself as something as good as chocolate truffles that won't make you gain an ounce. I freeze too easily in the face of negativity. Over and over again I read in books about becoming a published author that you must have thick skin. Where do I purchase one of those thick skin suits, cause it sure would be worth the investment?

I read things that others have written and gotten published and I'm in awe. Some of it is pure crap and yet I know those people had something I lack..."self confidence". I may not show the doubt I have in myself and my abilities...but they are there and when I'm alone my head hurts from trying not to dwell on them and yet not being able to shut off that little voice in my head saying, "you are trash and you will never amount to anything."

How do I do that? I need to move on with submitting my completed manuscript to agents. So what if two of them rejected it...there are hundreds more I can submit to...but my fear is choking me up. Today...I will have to work on trying to loosen the strangle hold the demons inside me seem to have produced in my life and figure out a way to truly believe I AM A WRITER and that I can get published! Wish me luck................