It became official...she was moving back in and we had to figure out what to do with all her stuff and her apartment lease. She had just purchased new furniture, so we will bring the bed here, but the sofa will have to be sold at a loss on Craigslist, and Lord only knows what we'll do with all the other stuff. We can decide that later.
I cleared all my exercise stuff out of her bedroom. As a "welcome" home gift my hubby painted her room the two-tone bright pink she wanted. Her brother came into town the following weekend to help us with moving her bed (which is HUGE). This was all very emotional for her. She found out things about her boyfriend that she probably wished she'd never known, as we began emptying drawers. I think it's good that she made her heartbreaking discovery. I hoped that it would help her healing process and assist her in moving on. I think all it did was add more anger...if that's possible.
We got her bed all situated and went out to do some cheering up shopping. She got a new comforter set, window drape and great mirror for her wall. She was able to find a small desk unit on Craigslist for her makeup, so she was basically all set.
Standing in the doorway of her now shocking pink room and looking around, I realized that my world was going through yet another major change and I wasn't sure I was very happy about it, but it's what us "mothers" do.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
GETTING HER SEXY ON
We're off the roller-coaster and now on the merry-go-round. A gentler ride, but we're going round and round. She loves him, she hates him, she misses him, she hopes he's miserable...why isn't he contacting her, she doesn't want him to contact her...she contacts him, she's upset after talking to him...and on and on we go...round and round, up and down.
When women are no longer in a relationship, whether we moved on or our significant others do, we need reassurance that we are still attractive and sexy. My daughter decided to go to a club, the first weekend she was home, for this confirmation. She went with a couple of girlfriends...girls nite out, but I knew it was really to see if her man magnet was still working. Ahhhh, I remember this wardrobe. This...you can look and drool, but don't touch wardrobe. She looked amazing.
She left at 10:30p.m. I'm climbing into bed at that hour and she's just going out. She came back in at 3:40a.m. I know this cause she met her step-dad in the doorway as he was leaving for work and she was coming home. Of course, I had to get up and ask her how it went. She had a good time and the lady who hires "entertainment" for the club wanted to talk to her about doing some modeling...oh Lord! She was really excited about this. They were having a lingerie show at the club next weekend and she was asked to be a model. Oh goodie...just what mama wants to hear. She's 22, she's 22, I have to keep reminding myself that. She's a grown woman, with a fairly good head on her shoulders...she'll be okay.
I decided to go back to bed for awhile. I was pretty sure she would sleep till late afternoon. Geeee, maybe we'll get to ride the Alice in Wonderland teacups soon. Spin, spin............barf!
When women are no longer in a relationship, whether we moved on or our significant others do, we need reassurance that we are still attractive and sexy. My daughter decided to go to a club, the first weekend she was home, for this confirmation. She went with a couple of girlfriends...girls nite out, but I knew it was really to see if her man magnet was still working. Ahhhh, I remember this wardrobe. This...you can look and drool, but don't touch wardrobe. She looked amazing.
She left at 10:30p.m. I'm climbing into bed at that hour and she's just going out. She came back in at 3:40a.m. I know this cause she met her step-dad in the doorway as he was leaving for work and she was coming home. Of course, I had to get up and ask her how it went. She had a good time and the lady who hires "entertainment" for the club wanted to talk to her about doing some modeling...oh Lord! She was really excited about this. They were having a lingerie show at the club next weekend and she was asked to be a model. Oh goodie...just what mama wants to hear. She's 22, she's 22, I have to keep reminding myself that. She's a grown woman, with a fairly good head on her shoulders...she'll be okay.
I decided to go back to bed for awhile. I was pretty sure she would sleep till late afternoon. Geeee, maybe we'll get to ride the Alice in Wonderland teacups soon. Spin, spin............barf!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER
The first week my daughter was back in our home was filled with tension. I never seemed capable of reading her moods. She was all over the emotional spectrum. Up, down, happy, sad, angry, forgiving...a nightmare of neuroses. I began staying silent, until she spoke, so I could try to gauge her current mood and then decide how much I could communicate with her. If she was happy we could talk for an hour or so...lighthearted conversation about this and that. If she was sad, I basically just listened and let her do most of the talking.
The emotion I hated the most was anger. I never became quite adept at reacting in whatever way she needed me to when she was in her anger zone. I'm still not sure how to respond to her rages. I just know that it pisses me off when any of her boyfriend angst is directed at me. I tend to just subtly remove myself from her presence when she's in one of these attack modes and later, when she's calmer...maybe we can talk.
Those first few days of cohabiting again were definitely stressful. I was glad she at least had a full-time job and was busy, away from home, for nine hours a day. I was always happy when I'd get a "good" phone call or a "joyful" email sometime during the day. I could only hope that she'd maintain these positive vibes after she got off work and came home.
I made her as comfortable as I knew how. She went to bed fairly early that week or spent hours talking to friends on the phone. Better them than me...I couldn't help but think. A part of me wanted to go find the boyfriend and rip him a new one...but the mature, semi-stable me, knew I couldn't do that. I can dream though can't I?
The emotion I hated the most was anger. I never became quite adept at reacting in whatever way she needed me to when she was in her anger zone. I'm still not sure how to respond to her rages. I just know that it pisses me off when any of her boyfriend angst is directed at me. I tend to just subtly remove myself from her presence when she's in one of these attack modes and later, when she's calmer...maybe we can talk.
Those first few days of cohabiting again were definitely stressful. I was glad she at least had a full-time job and was busy, away from home, for nine hours a day. I was always happy when I'd get a "good" phone call or a "joyful" email sometime during the day. I could only hope that she'd maintain these positive vibes after she got off work and came home.
I made her as comfortable as I knew how. She went to bed fairly early that week or spent hours talking to friends on the phone. Better them than me...I couldn't help but think. A part of me wanted to go find the boyfriend and rip him a new one...but the mature, semi-stable me, knew I couldn't do that. I can dream though can't I?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
CAN THEY RECONCILE
When the tears had subsided and the body shudders had stopped, my daughter decided she would go back to her apartment and try to talk things out with her boyfriend. "Okay I said. I hope the two of you can resolve your differences." In the back of my mind I was thinking...it's just a matter of time before this relationship is kicked to the curb.
Three hours later, that prediction came true, when my daughter once again showed up on our doorstep...this time with suitcase in hand. Her intention was to stay with us for the rest of the week and see if she and her boyfriend could figure out how to get back on track again.
When my daughter moved out, I turned her room into my own private exercise room. The other bedroom, besides the master, is an office. I let her stay in our bonus room, which is where we have guests sleeping while they're visiting.
As she settled in, I went to take a longing look at my beloved exercise room. I knew in my heart that I would soon be emptying it out. My Twister, my Gazelle, my balance ball, my yoga mats, my medicine balls, my hand weights...all would have to find a new home. Sigh...oh hell...who am I kidding...I rarely used the stupid stuff anyway, so I gently closed the door and headed downstairs to make my daughter a cup of hot cocoa.
Three hours later, that prediction came true, when my daughter once again showed up on our doorstep...this time with suitcase in hand. Her intention was to stay with us for the rest of the week and see if she and her boyfriend could figure out how to get back on track again.
When my daughter moved out, I turned her room into my own private exercise room. The other bedroom, besides the master, is an office. I let her stay in our bonus room, which is where we have guests sleeping while they're visiting.
As she settled in, I went to take a longing look at my beloved exercise room. I knew in my heart that I would soon be emptying it out. My Twister, my Gazelle, my balance ball, my yoga mats, my medicine balls, my hand weights...all would have to find a new home. Sigh...oh hell...who am I kidding...I rarely used the stupid stuff anyway, so I gently closed the door and headed downstairs to make my daughter a cup of hot cocoa.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
MOVING BACK HOME...
My 22 year old daughter has moved back into our household. She moved out 3 years ago and rented an apartment with her boyfriend. They broke up four weeks ago. One way for me to keep my sanity after going from a quiet empty nest to a drama filled household, is to blog about it.
It wasn't a total surprise when she showed up on our doorstep, tears running down her face, proclaiming that the man she'd been "in love" with for the last three years was a jerk. We'd heard this same statement a lot over the last six months or so. On each occasion, the tears seemed to flow a little harder and the recovery time from her heartbreak seemed to take longer.
I told her she would always have a place to come to. If she'd been married...I would not have made this offer. But...because I truly believed that the guy she lived with was in fact "a loser" who would never really amount to much more than what he already was...I was happy to let my daughter know that she had a sanctuary, should she ever need one. When I made that offer I didn't realize just how much our household would be turned upside down when she decided to hold me to my word.
After arriving on our doorstep, dressed in her pajamas, robe and slippers, with her hair in total disarray, eyes red and swollen, she collapsed on our sofa in a puddle of sobs and body quakes, I'm sure hit at least 6.5 on the Richter scale. My Mommy heart strings went "Twang" and I wrapped her in my arms rocking her back and forth like I would when she was just a tiny child and hurt herself at play. I told her, "You know you have a place to come to. You don't have to put up with this. You are always welcome here." She nodded her head as she buried it deeper into my chest, the sobs and shaking beginning to subside.
"I think I need to move back here, Mom," she said. And so it began..........
It wasn't a total surprise when she showed up on our doorstep, tears running down her face, proclaiming that the man she'd been "in love" with for the last three years was a jerk. We'd heard this same statement a lot over the last six months or so. On each occasion, the tears seemed to flow a little harder and the recovery time from her heartbreak seemed to take longer.
I told her she would always have a place to come to. If she'd been married...I would not have made this offer. But...because I truly believed that the guy she lived with was in fact "a loser" who would never really amount to much more than what he already was...I was happy to let my daughter know that she had a sanctuary, should she ever need one. When I made that offer I didn't realize just how much our household would be turned upside down when she decided to hold me to my word.
After arriving on our doorstep, dressed in her pajamas, robe and slippers, with her hair in total disarray, eyes red and swollen, she collapsed on our sofa in a puddle of sobs and body quakes, I'm sure hit at least 6.5 on the Richter scale. My Mommy heart strings went "Twang" and I wrapped her in my arms rocking her back and forth like I would when she was just a tiny child and hurt herself at play. I told her, "You know you have a place to come to. You don't have to put up with this. You are always welcome here." She nodded her head as she buried it deeper into my chest, the sobs and shaking beginning to subside.
"I think I need to move back here, Mom," she said. And so it began..........
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