THE DEADLY BIG "C"

For years I participated in the Relay for Life walk/run. In Shelby, NC we'd all gather at the fairgrounds and camp out overnight. In the evening there would be a band to entertain us and various people would step up to the mic and share their cancer stories. Every year one or more of those people would say, "there's not one person here who hasn't been touched by cancer in some way, whether it's yourself or a family member." At this point I always felt like an outsider,a sham...because cancer HADN'T touched me or anyone close to me in anyway. I was there to support friends and friend of friends...but I personally didn't have a clue how truly devastating cancer could be to the victim and to their loved ones.

Then 2001 arrived. My stepfather was suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer and six months later he died. I was horrified at how quickly the disease destroyed and murdered. My stepdad was already in Stage 4 when they discovered the cancer, so he really didn't have a chance of survival.

After he passed I again entered into a safe little cocoon where cancer wasn't touching my life. But a part of me had changed. A part of me was now much more aware of the horrors of this disease. When acquaintances would speak about family members suffering I was able to empathize on a whole new level.

Now 2010 has arrived and I find myself once again faced with a family member's cancer diagnosis. This time it is one of my brothers. He had surgery yesterday for what was thought to be simple nodules on his lungs, but hiding behind one of those growths was the insidious cancer. Thank God he agreed to have this initial surgery or the cancer might not have been discovered till it was way too late. He was waivering on going under the knife, because it meant they had to remove the top half of his lung. When they discovered the cancer they removed several lymph-nodes too, in order to see if the cancer has spread.

So, for now I sit and wait on those results and pray that they got to him in time. I'm hating the fact that I've become an official member of the "cancer has touched my life club". I just pray at the next Relay for Life event I'll be able to rejoice because I have a family member who's a cancer SURVIVOR!

RAIN...HIDE

I just got caught in a downpour coming out of Kroger. I've had all day to go to the grocery store, but thought I'd wait till the sky was filled with dark clouds and I could hear the roll of thunder in the distance.

My poor dog is still shaking, although the rain and the thunder has stopped and the sun is trying to shine again. Zeus is just terrified of storms. There doesn't even have to be thunder and lightning. He quivers at the sound of water pounding on the roof. Normally he'd be hiding under our bed digging at the carpeting trying to cover himself up, I guess...or maybe just make a hole to crawl into. I have the bedroom door closed so he can't get in there.

Sometimes when there's a really bad storm I will sit in the downstairs bathroom with him or we huddle together at the top of the steps. He's definitely not a lapdog, but when he hears any loud noises he tries to be!

He's frozen right now...literally, just standing in one spot, drooling and panting. I'm going to take him out to the porch to let him see that everything is well with the world again and he can stop dripping saliva on the floor.

Gotta love him!

MUSIC TO MY EARS

We could use an upgraded dishwasher. I don't want to get rid of the one we have though. It's noisy and the new ones tend to be "silent". I like knowing for sure that my dishwasher is running. I like the swish, swish sound of the water moving around. I even enjoy the noise it makes when it drains. Call me crazy, but I find comfort in a lot of different sounds.

I run a "white noise" machine at night. I always push the ocean waves button. My husband hates it, but I find it just the perfect symphony to block out background noises and lull me to sleep. When we go on vacation and stay in a hotel I need to run the air all night long or turn on the bathroom exhaust fan. Again...drives the hubby nuts. But it's better to spend time with a well rested wife, than a shrew with sleep deprived bags under her eyes.

The sound of a train whistle can calm my soul almost instantly. When I was a child I remember that sound traveling up the hillside and coming into my bedroom window. I loved it. I found it comforting and reassuring. I liked to dream about the people traveling on those trains and all the wonderful places they were going to.

A baby giggling, my dog's moan as he stretches himself, a cat purring, the roar of a motorcycle engine, the crunching of autumn leaves under my feet, church bells chiming...I enjoy all these sounds. Some inspire happy memories and some just make me feel alive.

I like smells too...but that's for another day.