Ahhhh, the joys of marriage. (is that an oxymoron?) My husband I can fight about the stupidest little things. I know I should save my energy for the big wars, but lately I find myself getting pulled into these tiny battles and losing my mind.
Our most recent struggle was over whether or not we (meaning my husband) should change out the toilet seat in our foyer bathroom. The current seat, had a couple of chips in it and I wanted a fresh one installed. Seems like a fairly straight forward, simple thing...doesn't it? No way! My darling husband could see no reason to throw away a perfectly good toilet seat just cause it had a flaw. I on the other hand thought it made the bathroom look worn and tacky and I wanted it GONE.
My husband manages a Kmart store. It's not like he had to take a trip somewhere else to grab a new toilet seat. I asked him to pick one up while he was at work. I asked for three days, til I finally wore him down and he produced my new seat. He took said seat into the bathroom and propped it up against the wall, still in it's packaging.
I tried to ignore it sitting there...screaming at me..."HA here I am, but I will NEVER replace the seat you're currently sitting on". For a week I kept my mouth shut. Then, one day, while sitting gazing at my beautiful new bright white toilet seat I reached down and looked at the store receipt, still taped to the package. It read $7.97. That's right $7.97. For $7.97 my husband is giving me hissy fits about not replacing our old toilet seat.
Let the BATTLE begin. I marched into my husband's man-cave and insisted that he replace the downstairs toilet seat today! I'm not sure why he likes to wait till my eyes are bulging from my head and I'm so angry I can barely force the words past my lips, but he does seem to take some perverse pleasure in seeing me in this state. However, things do tend to get done when the "she devil" appears. Within a few minutes I had my nice new shiny toilet seat waiting for me to try it out.
This is the nicest toilet seat I think I've ever used! It's surface is slick and smooth and it's truly comfortable to sit on. As women we always sit, so comfort is important to us. I love my new toilet seat and as soon as the smoke clears...I'm gonna see if we can install one just like it in our master bathroom for $7.97! DING, Round Two!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
THE LUMP
My husband and I sleep in a queen size bed. Not my choice. I would love to have a King, because I love to be able to ssspppprrreeeaaadddd out when I sleep. We have an older mattress, which I refuse to replace unless I can get a King size. There's a nice indentation on either side of the mattress...where he lies, where I lie...and then a nice little lump in between.
A few months ago, my husband discovered that sleeping on the "lump" made his back feel better. So now he likes to sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed. Which meanS I am relegated to my small indentation area only. No spreading out. Just sleeping in my little space and waking up stiff and sore in the morning.
Before he discovered the "lovely lump" in the middle of our mattress, I used to enjoy throwing one leg over that lump in the middle of the night and gettin' comfy. Now when I feel the urge to cuddle with the lump (the mattress, not my husband), inevitably my husband is already sleeping on it, so I miss my chance.
Why am I even discussing all this? Because my husband is out of town for the week and last night I could have spread out all I wanted and I didn't. I couldn't. It just didn't seem normal with him not there. In fact, I barely slept at all. If I couldn't push him around or grumble about not being able to get comfortable, it just didn't seem like a normal sleeping night. I'm exhausted! The only good thing about not being able to sleep last night was when I talked to my husband this morning and he told me he didn't sleep well either...and he had a KING size bed!! Guess that mattress didn't have a lump in the middle.
Maybe I'll try sleeping on the lump tonight and see how that feels. Of course, if I like it, then we'll be fighting for "lump rights" when he gets back...but I'm staking my claim while I can!
A few months ago, my husband discovered that sleeping on the "lump" made his back feel better. So now he likes to sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed. Which meanS I am relegated to my small indentation area only. No spreading out. Just sleeping in my little space and waking up stiff and sore in the morning.
Before he discovered the "lovely lump" in the middle of our mattress, I used to enjoy throwing one leg over that lump in the middle of the night and gettin' comfy. Now when I feel the urge to cuddle with the lump (the mattress, not my husband), inevitably my husband is already sleeping on it, so I miss my chance.
Why am I even discussing all this? Because my husband is out of town for the week and last night I could have spread out all I wanted and I didn't. I couldn't. It just didn't seem normal with him not there. In fact, I barely slept at all. If I couldn't push him around or grumble about not being able to get comfortable, it just didn't seem like a normal sleeping night. I'm exhausted! The only good thing about not being able to sleep last night was when I talked to my husband this morning and he told me he didn't sleep well either...and he had a KING size bed!! Guess that mattress didn't have a lump in the middle.
Maybe I'll try sleeping on the lump tonight and see how that feels. Of course, if I like it, then we'll be fighting for "lump rights" when he gets back...but I'm staking my claim while I can!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
RUM RUNNERS FUN
The 70's were reborn at Rum Runners last night. I attended a gathering there planned by the organizers of a meetup group my husband and I belong to called "Triangle Couples". Unfortunately, last night my husband wasn't able to attend the event, but that didn't keep me from going solo and partying with my friends.
Rum Runners is a fun bar, located in downtown Raleigh, incorporating dueling pianos to keep the crowd constantly entertained with lively "sing along" tunes. The piano players rotate, so there is never a dead moment in the merriment. Last night everything was geared toward the 70's and the crowd was thoroughly enjoying it. Many of the customers wore 70's clothing to add to the retro atmosphere. Requests were taken by the piano players if a tip was included. The bigger the tip...the higher up the "playing chain" your tune was placed.
A basic over 40's crowd arrived early in the evening, with the entertainment starting at 7p.m. A younger crowd began arriving around 10:00p.m. and the place started to get really crowded, but it also pumped up the energy level with the influx of all the additional people.
My only problem with the evening was in the form of an over six foot tall, bulging muscled bouncer who seemed to enjoy intimidating the crowd. He made it a point to turn the two tables, I was sitting at with my friends, on an angle, which made sitting at the tables very awkward. When we turned them back to their original settings, he came over...turned them back on an angle, slammed unoccupied chairs into place, then stormed off. It was the rudest thing I'd ever seen happen in a club of any kind I've been too. We left. Maybe he was hoping to run us off. We had stopped ordering drinks and all our requests had been played so we were no longer tipping the piano players. I think he wanted us to go, so the places we were monopolizing could be filled by new paying customers. However, we had dropped quite a bit of cash in the place and didn't like the idea that as soon as they could no longer wring any more money out of us...we were made to feel uncomfortable, so we'd leave. We considered complaining to the manager, but decided to just leave quietly.
Will I go back to Rum Runners again? Probably. It was fun right up till the last twenty minutes we were there. I will even recommend Rum Runners to friends. However, if the same unwelcoming behavior is repeated when I visit again...I will take the time to complain to the manager and not return.
Rum Runners is a fun bar, located in downtown Raleigh, incorporating dueling pianos to keep the crowd constantly entertained with lively "sing along" tunes. The piano players rotate, so there is never a dead moment in the merriment. Last night everything was geared toward the 70's and the crowd was thoroughly enjoying it. Many of the customers wore 70's clothing to add to the retro atmosphere. Requests were taken by the piano players if a tip was included. The bigger the tip...the higher up the "playing chain" your tune was placed.
A basic over 40's crowd arrived early in the evening, with the entertainment starting at 7p.m. A younger crowd began arriving around 10:00p.m. and the place started to get really crowded, but it also pumped up the energy level with the influx of all the additional people.
My only problem with the evening was in the form of an over six foot tall, bulging muscled bouncer who seemed to enjoy intimidating the crowd. He made it a point to turn the two tables, I was sitting at with my friends, on an angle, which made sitting at the tables very awkward. When we turned them back to their original settings, he came over...turned them back on an angle, slammed unoccupied chairs into place, then stormed off. It was the rudest thing I'd ever seen happen in a club of any kind I've been too. We left. Maybe he was hoping to run us off. We had stopped ordering drinks and all our requests had been played so we were no longer tipping the piano players. I think he wanted us to go, so the places we were monopolizing could be filled by new paying customers. However, we had dropped quite a bit of cash in the place and didn't like the idea that as soon as they could no longer wring any more money out of us...we were made to feel uncomfortable, so we'd leave. We considered complaining to the manager, but decided to just leave quietly.
Will I go back to Rum Runners again? Probably. It was fun right up till the last twenty minutes we were there. I will even recommend Rum Runners to friends. However, if the same unwelcoming behavior is repeated when I visit again...I will take the time to complain to the manager and not return.
Friday, March 12, 2010
BAM RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES
My daughter was sitting on the sofa a couple of nights ago with her new guy friend and somehow the conversation got around to her moving back home. Suddenly she is informing me that a friend of hers has an extra bedroom available in her apartment. HUH? I thought my daughter wanted to be here? I actually thought life had gotten pretty damn good for her since she moved in with us. Now she's talking like she wants to move out and it's only been two months.
Granted...this living situation has been very tense at times. She is used to just coming, going and doing whatever she wants. BUT, she also had to clean her own dishes, do her laundry, take care of her dog, iron her own clothes, cook her meals...all chores that mom has taken over since she's moved in.
Yeah, I know...I know...why in the hell am I doing all this stuff for her? I guess I'm just a caregiver. I actually enjoy taking care of people. I do think that at this point though...maybe, just maybe I'm being taken advantage of. A meal cooked for us once in awhile would be nice...or maybe some of our laundry done as she does a load for herself. A house cleaning...THAT would be awesome!!
When we first talked about her moving back in with us...she was going to do all this and more. But I think she's enjoying having "free time" way too much. So why would she even mention moving out and maybe in with someone else? Hmmmm, go figure...and why in the hell weren't we aware of this option before we painted her room two tone pink and moved my exercise equipment????
One year. I think one year is a reasonable time for her to stay with us, get back on her feet financially and then get a roommate and move. So I'm not going to take this conversation seriously. Gotta go...laundry to do.
Granted...this living situation has been very tense at times. She is used to just coming, going and doing whatever she wants. BUT, she also had to clean her own dishes, do her laundry, take care of her dog, iron her own clothes, cook her meals...all chores that mom has taken over since she's moved in.
Yeah, I know...I know...why in the hell am I doing all this stuff for her? I guess I'm just a caregiver. I actually enjoy taking care of people. I do think that at this point though...maybe, just maybe I'm being taken advantage of. A meal cooked for us once in awhile would be nice...or maybe some of our laundry done as she does a load for herself. A house cleaning...THAT would be awesome!!
When we first talked about her moving back in with us...she was going to do all this and more. But I think she's enjoying having "free time" way too much. So why would she even mention moving out and maybe in with someone else? Hmmmm, go figure...and why in the hell weren't we aware of this option before we painted her room two tone pink and moved my exercise equipment????
One year. I think one year is a reasonable time for her to stay with us, get back on her feet financially and then get a roommate and move. So I'm not going to take this conversation seriously. Gotta go...laundry to do.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
STUCK IN THE MIDDLE AGAIN
I married my second husband right after my daughter turned 13. Shortly after the marriage we relocated to a town hundreds of miles away from where my daughter had lived since she was 3 years old. We sat down, as a new family, discussed the move and all of us decided this would be a fun adventure. Little did I know how much fun we were NOT going to have raising a teenager in a big city where she knew virtually no one.
From the age of 14 to about 17 I lovingly referred to my daughter as "the spawn from Hell". I honestly could not fathom who this new, angry, rebellious person was inhabiting the body of what used to be my loving, obedient child. Neither could my new husband. Although he'd never admit it, I'm willing to bet he went to sleep most nights wondering what the hell he'd gotten himself into.
I was stuck in the middle. Stuck in the middle between a daughter I loved even if she was making me relive all the terror of the "Exorcist" movie and a new husband I was trying to adjust to. My husband had never been married before, never had children, didn't want children and yet he loved me enough to sign on for the task of being a father to a teenage girl. He also thought he knew everything there was about raising said teenage girl...and was very vocal about his opinions. I, however, had reared this child by myself, because her father was an absentee dad, and I didn't need or want any help or assistance in getting her through these rough times...especially by a man who'd never had a child of his own. I wanted him to just love me and care for me and be my husband, but I didn't want him giving me any unsolicited advice on how I should be taking care of my daughter. Besides, she'd never had a "dad", didn't want at "dad" and was downright ugly on all fronts where my husband was concerned.
Did this cause problems in our household? You bet your sweet ass it did. What a horrible way to start a marriage. I felt like I was a "push me/pull ya" and I didn't know what direction to turn in. The most peaceful times in our home for years was when my daughter ran away from home...which she did three times. When it was just my husband and I occupying our home...peace reigned supreme and all was quiet. She was never gone very long though and the last time she ran away, she actually came back a changed person. I don't know what happened, but when she came home she was sick and after I nursed her back to health she started to change her attitude. Unfortunately, my husband still didn't trust her and certainly didn't like her very much after everything she'd put us through...so I was still stuck in the middle of a battle of wills.
When she moved out three years ago to live with a boyfriend...tranquility was restored in our household once more. I could concentrate on just my husband. She could come and go as she pleased and I loved my new harmonious lifestyle. I'm not saying every day was a picnic for us after that, cause that's not what marriage is all about. But my husband relaxed, so I could relax and I still saw my daughter often...usually away from the house.
Last month when she broke up with her boyfriend and moved back in, both my husband and I opened our home and our hearts to her. She was hurt and wounded. She had grown, she'd matured and I thought surely she and my husband would now get along fine and we'd be one big happy family.
Oh if only it were so. Already I am feeling torn between making my husband happy and my daughter happy. Which way do I turn? He complains about her to me...she complains about him to me and I'm "stuck in the middle again"...cue music please!
From the age of 14 to about 17 I lovingly referred to my daughter as "the spawn from Hell". I honestly could not fathom who this new, angry, rebellious person was inhabiting the body of what used to be my loving, obedient child. Neither could my new husband. Although he'd never admit it, I'm willing to bet he went to sleep most nights wondering what the hell he'd gotten himself into.
I was stuck in the middle. Stuck in the middle between a daughter I loved even if she was making me relive all the terror of the "Exorcist" movie and a new husband I was trying to adjust to. My husband had never been married before, never had children, didn't want children and yet he loved me enough to sign on for the task of being a father to a teenage girl. He also thought he knew everything there was about raising said teenage girl...and was very vocal about his opinions. I, however, had reared this child by myself, because her father was an absentee dad, and I didn't need or want any help or assistance in getting her through these rough times...especially by a man who'd never had a child of his own. I wanted him to just love me and care for me and be my husband, but I didn't want him giving me any unsolicited advice on how I should be taking care of my daughter. Besides, she'd never had a "dad", didn't want at "dad" and was downright ugly on all fronts where my husband was concerned.
Did this cause problems in our household? You bet your sweet ass it did. What a horrible way to start a marriage. I felt like I was a "push me/pull ya" and I didn't know what direction to turn in. The most peaceful times in our home for years was when my daughter ran away from home...which she did three times. When it was just my husband and I occupying our home...peace reigned supreme and all was quiet. She was never gone very long though and the last time she ran away, she actually came back a changed person. I don't know what happened, but when she came home she was sick and after I nursed her back to health she started to change her attitude. Unfortunately, my husband still didn't trust her and certainly didn't like her very much after everything she'd put us through...so I was still stuck in the middle of a battle of wills.
When she moved out three years ago to live with a boyfriend...tranquility was restored in our household once more. I could concentrate on just my husband. She could come and go as she pleased and I loved my new harmonious lifestyle. I'm not saying every day was a picnic for us after that, cause that's not what marriage is all about. But my husband relaxed, so I could relax and I still saw my daughter often...usually away from the house.
Last month when she broke up with her boyfriend and moved back in, both my husband and I opened our home and our hearts to her. She was hurt and wounded. She had grown, she'd matured and I thought surely she and my husband would now get along fine and we'd be one big happy family.
Oh if only it were so. Already I am feeling torn between making my husband happy and my daughter happy. Which way do I turn? He complains about her to me...she complains about him to me and I'm "stuck in the middle again"...cue music please!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
MESSINESS
Gotta get a handle on my household. I'm feeling like I've lost control and it's bugging the piss out of me. This morning I came down to the kitchen, went to get some oj from the frig and noticed the freezer door was slightly open. Ooooops forgot to tell our new roomie that she has to close the freezer door firmly...it doesn't close on it's own. Of course, I realize that it could have been the hubby who left it open when he came home late last night, so just to cover all bases...I yelled at him about it this morning too.
Lights, lights, lights...I cringe at the electricity we are wasting. I'd finally gotten very good at switching off lights whenever I left a room and now there is someone else in the household leaving them on. I admit that it took me quite awhile to get in the habit of switching off lights and I'll just have to stay on top her till she also does this automatically.
Half filled glasses, dirty dishes left in the sink, to-go cups scattered around. Do I sound anal because I love a neat house? My house is a lot messier with me being home all the time, but I do try to have it in pretty good order at the end of the day and I'd like everyone else in the household to pick up their crap too.
I'm on my way upstairs to scrub toilets. Always a lovely job. I'm hoping roomie will do a thorough cleaning in her bathroom tonight. We have company coming in Thursday and they will have to share her bathroom. Lord save me.............
Lights, lights, lights...I cringe at the electricity we are wasting. I'd finally gotten very good at switching off lights whenever I left a room and now there is someone else in the household leaving them on. I admit that it took me quite awhile to get in the habit of switching off lights and I'll just have to stay on top her till she also does this automatically.
Half filled glasses, dirty dishes left in the sink, to-go cups scattered around. Do I sound anal because I love a neat house? My house is a lot messier with me being home all the time, but I do try to have it in pretty good order at the end of the day and I'd like everyone else in the household to pick up their crap too.
I'm on my way upstairs to scrub toilets. Always a lovely job. I'm hoping roomie will do a thorough cleaning in her bathroom tonight. We have company coming in Thursday and they will have to share her bathroom. Lord save me.............
Saturday, February 20, 2010
CENSORING MY WRITING?
I stopped writing for a few days cause I'm in a quandary. My daughter, the new resident in our home, suddenly decided after 18 months of ignoring my blogging...to read it! She apologized for being a "hassle" to us or causing any problems. UGH, I just wasn't sure what to do. Should I keep pouring my heart out and blogging about this awkward, sometimes stressful, but never the less delightful situation we now find ourselves in...or do I stop blogging about our household transition?
I've made the decision to keep writing. If I find that I feel censored at all and not able to let the "juices" flow, then I will have to stop. But until then...here's the latest update:
She's found another man. He seems a nice enough fellow. Very personable. Older and more mature than the ex. The problem I see possibly developing (and I always look for trouble)is his location. He lives an hour away. Some of this is good cause it means that she only sees him occasionally...mostly on weekends, so they shouldn't grow tired of each other for quite awhile, if at all. However, I wonder if he will eventually grow weary of the drive all the time once the newness of the relationship wears off. Not sure I could deal with another broken heart right now.
I wish that she was still dating other people. Looking around, testing the waters. But she is "giddy" over this one, so we'll just have to be patient and see how it plays out. At least she's smiling more than she did and that's a welcome relief!
I've made the decision to keep writing. If I find that I feel censored at all and not able to let the "juices" flow, then I will have to stop. But until then...here's the latest update:
She's found another man. He seems a nice enough fellow. Very personable. Older and more mature than the ex. The problem I see possibly developing (and I always look for trouble)is his location. He lives an hour away. Some of this is good cause it means that she only sees him occasionally...mostly on weekends, so they shouldn't grow tired of each other for quite awhile, if at all. However, I wonder if he will eventually grow weary of the drive all the time once the newness of the relationship wears off. Not sure I could deal with another broken heart right now.
I wish that she was still dating other people. Looking around, testing the waters. But she is "giddy" over this one, so we'll just have to be patient and see how it plays out. At least she's smiling more than she did and that's a welcome relief!
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