We're off the roller-coaster and now on the merry-go-round. A gentler ride, but we're going round and round. She loves him, she hates him, she misses him, she hopes he's miserable...why isn't he contacting her, she doesn't want him to contact her...she contacts him, she's upset after talking to him...and on and on we go...round and round, up and down.
When women are no longer in a relationship, whether we moved on or our significant others do, we need reassurance that we are still attractive and sexy. My daughter decided to go to a club, the first weekend she was home, for this confirmation. She went with a couple of girlfriends...girls nite out, but I knew it was really to see if her man magnet was still working. Ahhhh, I remember this wardrobe. This...you can look and drool, but don't touch wardrobe. She looked amazing.
She left at 10:30p.m. I'm climbing into bed at that hour and she's just going out. She came back in at 3:40a.m. I know this cause she met her step-dad in the doorway as he was leaving for work and she was coming home. Of course, I had to get up and ask her how it went. She had a good time and the lady who hires "entertainment" for the club wanted to talk to her about doing some modeling...oh Lord! She was really excited about this. They were having a lingerie show at the club next weekend and she was asked to be a model. Oh goodie...just what mama wants to hear. She's 22, she's 22, I have to keep reminding myself that. She's a grown woman, with a fairly good head on her shoulders...she'll be okay.
I decided to go back to bed for awhile. I was pretty sure she would sleep till late afternoon. Geeee, maybe we'll get to ride the Alice in Wonderland teacups soon. Spin, spin............barf!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER
The first week my daughter was back in our home was filled with tension. I never seemed capable of reading her moods. She was all over the emotional spectrum. Up, down, happy, sad, angry, forgiving...a nightmare of neuroses. I began staying silent, until she spoke, so I could try to gauge her current mood and then decide how much I could communicate with her. If she was happy we could talk for an hour or so...lighthearted conversation about this and that. If she was sad, I basically just listened and let her do most of the talking.
The emotion I hated the most was anger. I never became quite adept at reacting in whatever way she needed me to when she was in her anger zone. I'm still not sure how to respond to her rages. I just know that it pisses me off when any of her boyfriend angst is directed at me. I tend to just subtly remove myself from her presence when she's in one of these attack modes and later, when she's calmer...maybe we can talk.
Those first few days of cohabiting again were definitely stressful. I was glad she at least had a full-time job and was busy, away from home, for nine hours a day. I was always happy when I'd get a "good" phone call or a "joyful" email sometime during the day. I could only hope that she'd maintain these positive vibes after she got off work and came home.
I made her as comfortable as I knew how. She went to bed fairly early that week or spent hours talking to friends on the phone. Better them than me...I couldn't help but think. A part of me wanted to go find the boyfriend and rip him a new one...but the mature, semi-stable me, knew I couldn't do that. I can dream though can't I?
The emotion I hated the most was anger. I never became quite adept at reacting in whatever way she needed me to when she was in her anger zone. I'm still not sure how to respond to her rages. I just know that it pisses me off when any of her boyfriend angst is directed at me. I tend to just subtly remove myself from her presence when she's in one of these attack modes and later, when she's calmer...maybe we can talk.
Those first few days of cohabiting again were definitely stressful. I was glad she at least had a full-time job and was busy, away from home, for nine hours a day. I was always happy when I'd get a "good" phone call or a "joyful" email sometime during the day. I could only hope that she'd maintain these positive vibes after she got off work and came home.
I made her as comfortable as I knew how. She went to bed fairly early that week or spent hours talking to friends on the phone. Better them than me...I couldn't help but think. A part of me wanted to go find the boyfriend and rip him a new one...but the mature, semi-stable me, knew I couldn't do that. I can dream though can't I?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
CAN THEY RECONCILE
When the tears had subsided and the body shudders had stopped, my daughter decided she would go back to her apartment and try to talk things out with her boyfriend. "Okay I said. I hope the two of you can resolve your differences." In the back of my mind I was thinking...it's just a matter of time before this relationship is kicked to the curb.
Three hours later, that prediction came true, when my daughter once again showed up on our doorstep...this time with suitcase in hand. Her intention was to stay with us for the rest of the week and see if she and her boyfriend could figure out how to get back on track again.
When my daughter moved out, I turned her room into my own private exercise room. The other bedroom, besides the master, is an office. I let her stay in our bonus room, which is where we have guests sleeping while they're visiting.
As she settled in, I went to take a longing look at my beloved exercise room. I knew in my heart that I would soon be emptying it out. My Twister, my Gazelle, my balance ball, my yoga mats, my medicine balls, my hand weights...all would have to find a new home. Sigh...oh hell...who am I kidding...I rarely used the stupid stuff anyway, so I gently closed the door and headed downstairs to make my daughter a cup of hot cocoa.
Three hours later, that prediction came true, when my daughter once again showed up on our doorstep...this time with suitcase in hand. Her intention was to stay with us for the rest of the week and see if she and her boyfriend could figure out how to get back on track again.
When my daughter moved out, I turned her room into my own private exercise room. The other bedroom, besides the master, is an office. I let her stay in our bonus room, which is where we have guests sleeping while they're visiting.
As she settled in, I went to take a longing look at my beloved exercise room. I knew in my heart that I would soon be emptying it out. My Twister, my Gazelle, my balance ball, my yoga mats, my medicine balls, my hand weights...all would have to find a new home. Sigh...oh hell...who am I kidding...I rarely used the stupid stuff anyway, so I gently closed the door and headed downstairs to make my daughter a cup of hot cocoa.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
MOVING BACK HOME...
My 22 year old daughter has moved back into our household. She moved out 3 years ago and rented an apartment with her boyfriend. They broke up four weeks ago. One way for me to keep my sanity after going from a quiet empty nest to a drama filled household, is to blog about it.
It wasn't a total surprise when she showed up on our doorstep, tears running down her face, proclaiming that the man she'd been "in love" with for the last three years was a jerk. We'd heard this same statement a lot over the last six months or so. On each occasion, the tears seemed to flow a little harder and the recovery time from her heartbreak seemed to take longer.
I told her she would always have a place to come to. If she'd been married...I would not have made this offer. But...because I truly believed that the guy she lived with was in fact "a loser" who would never really amount to much more than what he already was...I was happy to let my daughter know that she had a sanctuary, should she ever need one. When I made that offer I didn't realize just how much our household would be turned upside down when she decided to hold me to my word.
After arriving on our doorstep, dressed in her pajamas, robe and slippers, with her hair in total disarray, eyes red and swollen, she collapsed on our sofa in a puddle of sobs and body quakes, I'm sure hit at least 6.5 on the Richter scale. My Mommy heart strings went "Twang" and I wrapped her in my arms rocking her back and forth like I would when she was just a tiny child and hurt herself at play. I told her, "You know you have a place to come to. You don't have to put up with this. You are always welcome here." She nodded her head as she buried it deeper into my chest, the sobs and shaking beginning to subside.
"I think I need to move back here, Mom," she said. And so it began..........
It wasn't a total surprise when she showed up on our doorstep, tears running down her face, proclaiming that the man she'd been "in love" with for the last three years was a jerk. We'd heard this same statement a lot over the last six months or so. On each occasion, the tears seemed to flow a little harder and the recovery time from her heartbreak seemed to take longer.
I told her she would always have a place to come to. If she'd been married...I would not have made this offer. But...because I truly believed that the guy she lived with was in fact "a loser" who would never really amount to much more than what he already was...I was happy to let my daughter know that she had a sanctuary, should she ever need one. When I made that offer I didn't realize just how much our household would be turned upside down when she decided to hold me to my word.
After arriving on our doorstep, dressed in her pajamas, robe and slippers, with her hair in total disarray, eyes red and swollen, she collapsed on our sofa in a puddle of sobs and body quakes, I'm sure hit at least 6.5 on the Richter scale. My Mommy heart strings went "Twang" and I wrapped her in my arms rocking her back and forth like I would when she was just a tiny child and hurt herself at play. I told her, "You know you have a place to come to. You don't have to put up with this. You are always welcome here." She nodded her head as she buried it deeper into my chest, the sobs and shaking beginning to subside.
"I think I need to move back here, Mom," she said. And so it began..........
Monday, December 28, 2009
HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS
Ahhh Christmas. I used to love this holiday when my children were still...well children. The excitement reflected in their eyes when they first came down the stairs on Christmas morning and saw all the gifts under the tree was so wonderful to observe. Suddenly all the time I spent elbowing through "purchase lusting" crowds and scanning sale sheets and getting up at the crack of dawn to save $20 off a Teddy Rukpin talking bear...seemed worth it! The screams of delight as they tore the wrapping paper off their gifts was music to my ears. We'd spend hours together playing with the new toys.
I've really missed those "spirits of Christmas past" the last few years. Both of my children are now fully grown and living on their own. Everyone still gathers at our house to celebrate the day and significant others are now included in our family time. It's sad to me though that I no longer feel the "thrill" of Christmas.
This year, because of money constraints we decided not to go the "retail" route for presents and determined instead that we would make all our gifts for each other. This was probably the best idea we've had in years. Oh, my daughter and I did some complaining about how much hassle and how much time we were having to put into making these gifts. But on Christmas morning...it was all worth it.
No one got up at the crack of dawn. That practice stopped many years ago, even before the kids left home. My son traveled 4 hours and stayed at our home Christmas Eve. My daughter lives about 5 miles away. We all gathered at the respectable hour of 11a.m. Donuts, bagels, juice and coffee were served as we sat in the livingroom ready to open gifts. My son went first...wonderful decorative jars filled with peanut butter cookies. I was starting to really feel excited! I gave each of my children the wine bottles with holes drilled in them and filled with lights and decorated with ribbons and small grape bunches, that I'd created. Ooooos and aaaahhhhhs insued. Homemade puzzles created by my hubby were opened next. Tye-dye shirts were handed out from my daughter. You could feel the excitement in the air now. This was FUN! My daughter had made a very special gift for me...an apron decorated with "NOM MAKER" in sparkling letters. Inside joke and it brought tears to my eyes! A couple of other gifts I'd created for each of my amazing children were distributed and each item was met with "WOWS" and "OMG-s".
Not a ton of money was spent on gifts this year. A lot to personal time and effort went into making the gifts. I had determined that I would NEVER do this again as Christmas morning approached...but after experiencing the joy and the comaraderie we all felt gathered around the tree as we were delighted by the creativity we'd all shown...I will definitely be making the gifts again next year. In fact I already have some ideas..............
I've really missed those "spirits of Christmas past" the last few years. Both of my children are now fully grown and living on their own. Everyone still gathers at our house to celebrate the day and significant others are now included in our family time. It's sad to me though that I no longer feel the "thrill" of Christmas.
This year, because of money constraints we decided not to go the "retail" route for presents and determined instead that we would make all our gifts for each other. This was probably the best idea we've had in years. Oh, my daughter and I did some complaining about how much hassle and how much time we were having to put into making these gifts. But on Christmas morning...it was all worth it.
No one got up at the crack of dawn. That practice stopped many years ago, even before the kids left home. My son traveled 4 hours and stayed at our home Christmas Eve. My daughter lives about 5 miles away. We all gathered at the respectable hour of 11a.m. Donuts, bagels, juice and coffee were served as we sat in the livingroom ready to open gifts. My son went first...wonderful decorative jars filled with peanut butter cookies. I was starting to really feel excited! I gave each of my children the wine bottles with holes drilled in them and filled with lights and decorated with ribbons and small grape bunches, that I'd created. Ooooos and aaaahhhhhs insued. Homemade puzzles created by my hubby were opened next. Tye-dye shirts were handed out from my daughter. You could feel the excitement in the air now. This was FUN! My daughter had made a very special gift for me...an apron decorated with "NOM MAKER" in sparkling letters. Inside joke and it brought tears to my eyes! A couple of other gifts I'd created for each of my amazing children were distributed and each item was met with "WOWS" and "OMG-s".
Not a ton of money was spent on gifts this year. A lot to personal time and effort went into making the gifts. I had determined that I would NEVER do this again as Christmas morning approached...but after experiencing the joy and the comaraderie we all felt gathered around the tree as we were delighted by the creativity we'd all shown...I will definitely be making the gifts again next year. In fact I already have some ideas..............
Monday, December 21, 2009
FINALLY SOMETHING TO SAY
I've deserted you. I'm sorry. I've been wrestling with what direction I'd like to see my life take in 2010. I'm not happy with the path I am currently walking and I need to make some MAJOR changes if I'm to be accomplish the goals I'm setting for myself.
Writing will be my number one priority during the next year. I want to take some courses, join more writing groups and actively seek representation for my novels. WAIT...let me re-phrase that with "I WILL...take courses, join groups and seek representation". Wanting something gets you no where...you must always be moving forward and only saying you "will" do something...makes it real.
To quote my good friend Yoda: "There is no TRY...only DO"
So 2010 will be the year of "DO". I'm anxious to see 2009 come to an end. It's been an emotional year, but it has also been a year of finding myself and what I want in life and I've enjoyed that journey. However, I will continue my travels in 2010 with more conviction and gusto than I showed in 2009.
Look out world...here I come!
Writing will be my number one priority during the next year. I want to take some courses, join more writing groups and actively seek representation for my novels. WAIT...let me re-phrase that with "I WILL...take courses, join groups and seek representation". Wanting something gets you no where...you must always be moving forward and only saying you "will" do something...makes it real.
To quote my good friend Yoda: "There is no TRY...only DO"
So 2010 will be the year of "DO". I'm anxious to see 2009 come to an end. It's been an emotional year, but it has also been a year of finding myself and what I want in life and I've enjoyed that journey. However, I will continue my travels in 2010 with more conviction and gusto than I showed in 2009.
Look out world...here I come!
Monday, December 14, 2009
LOVE
Around the holidays I always start thinking a lot about "love" and what exactly love means. There's so many different types of love that we are capable of expressing. There's the love we have for our spouses or partners, there's the love we have for our friends, there's the love we have for our pets, there's the love of sports, cooking, reading, writing, etc. and there's the love a mother has for her children, which to me is the purest kind of love. I know there are some mother's out there who don't love their children at all (I've never understood this), but for those of us who do...this is an unconditional, all encompassing, never ending kind of love. You may fall out of love with your spouse, relationships with friends can end, or you may give up on your sports team or hobby...but you NEVER stop loving your children. They are the flesh or your flesh and bone of your bone. My children are my "heart".
I've been blessed with two amazing children. At this time of year, they are on my mind constantly and I'm so happy that we get to spend a few days together when Christmas finally arrives. Some people dread the approach of Christmas, but I'm anxious for it...because I get to spend a few days with the most important people in my life...my children.
If you have children...give them a great big hug whenever you can...and if you are a son or a daughter, about to celebrate the holidays with family...hold them close to you...time moves quickly and someday you'll miss those hugs and those times of togetherness.
Till tomorrow..........Love to you all.
I've been blessed with two amazing children. At this time of year, they are on my mind constantly and I'm so happy that we get to spend a few days together when Christmas finally arrives. Some people dread the approach of Christmas, but I'm anxious for it...because I get to spend a few days with the most important people in my life...my children.
If you have children...give them a great big hug whenever you can...and if you are a son or a daughter, about to celebrate the holidays with family...hold them close to you...time moves quickly and someday you'll miss those hugs and those times of togetherness.
Till tomorrow..........Love to you all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
