DR. McYUMMY

My incision bandages have been officially removed and everything looks great! I'm so glad to have this behind me now. Well, sort of. I'm gonna miss my doctor. Even though I only saw him for about 30 minutes, when the surgery was scheduled, and then again today, for about 15 minutes, for my post-op visit, I've got a surgeon-crush.

He's not your typical tall, dark and handsome. In fact, he's average height, white haired with a big ole mustache, but he tickles my fancy. He's got a great sense of humor and I have that on my list of prerequisites, for doctor's who are gonna dig around and remove organs from inside my body.

I'm thrilled that I no longer have my belly button taped closed, but it was with a deep sigh and little wave that I said, "good-bye" to Dr. Powell and left his office today. If you ever need a surgical procedure of any kind and wanna little over 50 eye-candy...he's your man! Of course different strokes, for different folks, but I like that long haired, scruffy, deep manly laughing sort of guy.

Okay, enough.............I'm HEALED and that's what's really important...isn't it?

NOT ON MY LIST OF FAVORITES

Surgery of any kind if NOT going on my list of favorite things. I can't believe that people have been back to work two days after having their gallbladders removed. I feel like such a wimp, but I can barely straighten up. Today I get to take a shower though, so maybe I'll feel better after that.

I've had so many wonderful friends wishing me well. One of them even brought food...which my family really appreciated. They better make it last a few more days cause I don't intend to be at the stove again till at least Monday.

Just posting a quick note to let everyone know...I made it through, I'm sore as hell and I'd like to say, "I'm not taking this laying down"...but the truth is...I AM!

POST SURGERY BUCKET LIST

Tomorrow is the BIG day. I go "under the knife" for the first time ever. In celebration of that occasion I decided it was high time I made a bucket list. I figure if I have a list of things to do then everything will have to go smoothly so I can accomplish my set purpose in the universe. Besides, I ain't getting any younger, although I have to say I don't feel as old as that face in the mirror looks.

I'm not sure what normal people (I know I don't belong to this crowd) put on their bucket lists. Probably things like traveling to exotic places, eating strange and weird foods, apologizing for wrongs they've committed or finding old family members or friends, giving back to the world somehow. Yeah, that's not for me.

Just a few items on my bucket list: (1)learn pole-dancing...this one's for my hubby really, although pole dancing is good exercise, (2)visit the sky diving simulator...this is as close as I will ever get to jumping out of a plane,(3) grow an herb garden and try to keep it alive for at least six months, (4)get at least one thing published...even if it's just a letter to the editor in the Nfreakin'O, (5)create a piece of art for our home...painting, sculpture, playdough animal...something artsy, fartsy I can point to and say, "I created that"(6)finally get all my pictures organized in albums...I may die before I finish this, (7)get one of those water massages they give at the mall and maybe even get my teeth whitened and eyebrows threaded at the same mall...the same day (8)climb a rock wall...this one is a lot like work, so I'm putting it on the bottom of my list.

I'm sure I'll be adding to my list as things occur to me...but for now...I need to take a nap, so I'll be ready to tackle these projects...post surgery.

DO AS I SAY...NOT AS I DO OR IT'LL COST YOU

I received my pre-operative instructions from my surgeon yesterday. Attached to the instructions was another sheet entitled, Rescheduling, Insurance & Financial Policy.

One paragraph really jumped out at me on that sheet: In the event that you should need to reschedule your surgery date for other than emergent situations, please be advised that a surcharge of $50.00 (fifty) will be charged to your account.

The next paragraph stated: Please also be advised that due to the emergent nature of surgery, there are instances when your surgeon may be called to an emergency or due to conflicts in the operating room, we may have to reschedule your surgery. We are very grateful for your cooperation in this regard.

Now hang on a dang minute...if I reschedule it costs me $50...if my surgeon reschedules I should just be cooperative, but I don't get $50. Hmmmm, seems like a double standard clause to me. Kind of like waiting in the office for an hour after your appointment time...but if I arrived an hour late...they'd make you reschedule. What's wrong with this picture? Oh wait...I get it...I didn't do eight years of college, plus a residency! Never mind...I get it now!

WHAT'S UP DOC?

Doctors really can be frustrating individuals. During my preliminary visit to the surgeons office last Wednesday, I was handed five sheets of paperwork to fill out before I was taken back to see the doctor. Three of those sheets asked about my visit and why I was there, along with other various life-probing questions, so I couldn't help but laugh when I was finally shown to a room and the nurse asked, "so how can we help you today?" Hello? Didn't I just answer that question at least three times before coming into this room? Okay, so maybe the nurse was illiterate, so I helped her out..."I was told I need to have my gallbladder removed." The nurse smiled sweetly, told me the doctor would be in to see me soon and left the room.

I was fine, until the doctor entered the room and said, "So what brings you to my office today?", while opening my chart. OMG...are you kidding me? Are you going to remember when you get me on your operating table and I can't speak up for myself, what the purpose of my "visit" is? After I brought the doctor up to speed as to why he was meeting with me, the rest of the visit went very smoothly as he explained to me in detail how he would perform the procedure.

Just be sure we're all on the same page on surgery day, I'm thinking about taking a magic marker and writing across my lower abdomen..."GALLBLADDER REMOVAL", just in case the doc doesn't have time for his morning coffee and experiences fuzzy brain. I'd hate to wake up with a colostomy bag and a stone infested gallbladder still firmly embedded in my body. The only decision I need to make now is...should I use a black or a red marker?

GOING UNDER THE KNIFE

Surgery...I hate even the sound of that word. However I'm about to experience this thrilling event for the first time and I am not afraid to say that I'm nervous.

On our way back from our great vacation this past week, I started having chest pains about 4 hours from home. They got so bad that we stopped at an emergency room in Florence, SC to have me checked out. It wasn't my heart...thank God. However, the attending physician seemed to think it was possibly my gall bladder and suggested I go see my doctor on Monday. I went...was scheduled for an ultra-sound Tuesday and today I go see a surgeon. I have gall stones. What the hell? I'm a healthy eater, I watch my weight...I try to live a good life...and I get this crap.

A lot of my friends have told me they've had their gall bladders removed and it's no big deal...but this being the first time I've ever had a surgical procedure...it's kind of a big deal to me. I could care less about scaring. I'm dreading the pain afterward and the healing time. I hate not being 100%. Besides I had a goal of dying with all my organs and teeth in place. Dang gall bladder just shattered that dream.

I'm hoping the surgeon will be able to put my mind at ease about everything that's about to happen. I'll need lots of drugs, so I'm going to be sure he has a good supply handy!

It's a week of first. First cruise...topped by first surgery. Could I have my first lottery winning next please?